Short Victim’s Stories

I realize I’m in the midst of an identity crisis. My identity is heavily linked to my work. Being an accountant means you are viewed at the minimum as an expert in your field. You handle technology everyday, you have training in recognizing scam emails and more. Each day is about accuracy, accuracy in your work, in research, and representation that the financials are complete and correct. I put a lot of myself into my position from filing, being able to locate documents, to verifying payroll and making sure sick time and vacation per employee were correct, to tracing and correcting an unbalanced account or complex transaction. Now, although retired from that position; I am responsible for the household finances and records and the finances of my father. By the grace of God I did not use any of the household budget or savings and did not use any funds of my father’s. While this is a positive thing, I still have trouble seeing that all was not lost to the crime. My word is my bond, my honesty no matter what, is my creed. Those have been broken; I have trouble finding the shattered pieces. Although I acknowledge it was not my fault, if security tapes are viewed it is my face, my signature on the wire transfers, my name of the credit cards. Yet, because I CAN say it is not my fault, I can rise above what happened, the betrayal, the hurt, the illusion of love. I can hold my head up and rebuild my life and not let this episode in my life define who I will be going forward.

The realization that I was a victim of a crime shattered my world. The sense of betrayal was enormous, as stated here, by the criminals and myself. I was left completely shattered and truly didn’t know who I was or what I had become … or how I could survive this. The first sense of relief I felt was the day I reported the crime to my local state police department. A huge weight was lifted off my shoulders and I could fully admit to myself and a select few family members that I was scammed. That relief was short-lived. The shame, guilt and terror I felt (the terror of how I would start over financially, mostly) was all-consuming. I had night terrors, couldn’t eat or I’d get nauseous, couldn’t sleep for more than a couple hours at a time and was riddled with anxiety. The void I felt was unlike any before … all my waking hours, and a lot of nighttime hours, were spent in contact with the criminals for about 10 months. I proverbially put myself in a fetal position, rocking back and forth. I isolated myself and withdrew. I didn’t know how to function. And then I began to have thoughts about taking my life, every day, for about 3 months. My daughter and my dad kept me here. Thankfully. Then as time went on I began to heal and went looking for answers. Then I discovered SCARS and began this journey of recovery. It has saved my life and given me purpose again.

I am grateful to SCARS for providing supportive information and guidance in a very overwhelming situation. The education I have received has helped me to understand what I experienced, helped guide me away from becoming a permanent victim, and aided me to the pathway of recovery. I am learning to not let the crime identify me, but rather that it happened TO me. I live in an area that fosters the idea that a rape victim asked for it, an assault victim never learned how to fight and the new one: a victim of a scam is a willing participant and needs to live with their shame. Such very old-fashioned ideas. But enough that I do not share what happened to me. Instead, the level of crime here is very high, especially substance abuse that leads to spousal abuse. Trying to help someone is considered not minding my business. Yes, very backward, but a part of everyday life.

My gosh! I should have done a reverse photo lookup before deepening the conversation with a scammer. A man claiming to be “John Deets” contacted me on TikTok. I’ve saved text conversations and WhatsApp conversations. The scammer claimed to be Dr. John Deets, a Greek neurosurgeon from Detroit, Michigan. He had 2 children by a Spanish woman who was his ex-wife. I questioned why he was still wearing a wedding ring in his photos and was told he does that so women think he’s still married. We texted each other. He gave me a (719) 225-4140 phone number. I questioned why he had a Colorado area code, and he said that he lived there before Detroit. Later, I found out that these scammers can purchase American phone numbers for $3 to $5. On several occasions, we talked about meeting in person. We discussed meeting halfway between Detroit and where I live, we discussed meeting in my hometown, and we discussed him flying to my location and meeting in person. We discussed taking a vacation together in July. We were chatting back and forth around Easter, and he said it was his birthday on April 18th. Suddenly, the scammer claimed his Dad was in the hospital and he had to fly to Greece to be with him and his mother. I even got a screenshot of alleged flight information. Then, the red flags started popping up. I got messages that he needed money so he could withdraw Bitcoin money because he was losing money due to the market declines. He needed the money to pay the fees associated with withdrawing the money, and needed the money to fly back from Greece and meet me in my state. Luckily, my father was in the financial industry, and my intuition told me something was fishy. I first got asked for $1,000, and I said no. Then, I got asked for $500, and finally got asked for $100. The scammer is using videos and photos of this poor Brazilian doctor. I am heartbroken but grateful for the security features on money transfer apps. I knew something was strange when I got 3 different profile names and a different email on money transfer apps. Thank God I was only out $50 that I spent on a Razr card “for him and his son” to play video games together on his birthday.” The scammer finally came clean and told me he’s a 25-year-old African man who’s in trouble with the police and needed the money.

I experienced isolation in both ways: first as a request and manipulation tactic by the scammers – they didn’t want me to tell anyone what was going on and to keep it a secret. They also wanted me to be in constant contact with them, to check in, under the guise of being concerned for me. If I was on the road they wanted me to check in periodically and to be sure and let them know when I arrived at my destination. And secondly, I self-isolated because I didn’t want to discuss what I was going through. I didn’t think anyone would understand and I didn’t want to subject myself to more shame and guilt, that I was afraid everyone else would judge me.

The level of depression and pain I felt caused by the betrayal also resulted in me contemplating taking my life. During this time, this became a vicious circle: I couldn’t engage with others so I kept to myself and because I spent so much time alone, with my dark thoughts, I wanted to end my life.

I finally healed enough to realize I wanted to heal more. A much better circle of being.