Short Victim’s Stories

I am grateful to SCARS for providing supportive information and guidance in a very overwhelming situation. The education I have received has helped me to understand what I experienced, helped guide me away from becoming a permanent victim, and aided me to the pathway of recovery. I am learning to not let the crime identify me, but rather that it happened TO me. I live in an area that fosters the idea that a rape victim asked for it, an assault victim never learned how to fight and the new one: a victim of a scam is a willing participant and needs to live with their shame. Such very old-fashioned ideas. But enough that I do not share what happened to me. Instead, the level of crime here is very high, especially substance abuse that leads to spousal abuse. Trying to help someone is considered not minding my business. Yes, very backward, but a part of everyday life.

My gosh! I should have done a reverse photo lookup before deepening the conversation with a scammer. A man claiming to be “John Deets” contacted me on TikTok. I’ve saved text conversations and WhatsApp conversations. The scammer claimed to be Dr. John Deets, a Greek neurosurgeon from Detroit, Michigan. He had 2 children by a Spanish woman who was his ex-wife. I questioned why he was still wearing a wedding ring in his photos and was told he does that so women think he’s still married. We texted each other. He gave me a (719) 225-4140 phone number. I questioned why he had a Colorado area code, and he said that he lived there before Detroit. Later, I found out that these scammers can purchase American phone numbers for $3 to $5. On several occasions, we talked about meeting in person. We discussed meeting halfway between Detroit and where I live, we discussed meeting in my hometown, and we discussed him flying to my location and meeting in person. We discussed taking a vacation together in July. We were chatting back and forth around Easter, and he said it was his birthday on April 18th. Suddenly, the scammer claimed his Dad was in the hospital and he had to fly to Greece to be with him and his mother. I even got a screenshot of alleged flight information. Then, the red flags started popping up. I got messages that he needed money so he could withdraw Bitcoin money because he was losing money due to the market declines. He needed the money to pay the fees associated with withdrawing the money, and needed the money to fly back from Greece and meet me in my state. Luckily, my father was in the financial industry, and my intuition told me something was fishy. I first got asked for $1,000, and I said no. Then, I got asked for $500, and finally got asked for $100. The scammer is using videos and photos of this poor Brazilian doctor. I am heartbroken but grateful for the security features on money transfer apps. I knew something was strange when I got 3 different profile names and a different email on money transfer apps. Thank God I was only out $50 that I spent on a Razr card “for him and his son” to play video games together on his birthday.” The scammer finally came clean and told me he’s a 25-year-old African man who’s in trouble with the police and needed the money.

I experienced isolation in both ways: first as a request and manipulation tactic by the scammers – they didn’t want me to tell anyone what was going on and to keep it a secret. They also wanted me to be in constant contact with them, to check in, under the guise of being concerned for me. If I was on the road they wanted me to check in periodically and to be sure and let them know when I arrived at my destination. And secondly, I self-isolated because I didn’t want to discuss what I was going through. I didn’t think anyone would understand and I didn’t want to subject myself to more shame and guilt, that I was afraid everyone else would judge me.

The level of depression and pain I felt caused by the betrayal also resulted in me contemplating taking my life. During this time, this became a vicious circle: I couldn’t engage with others so I kept to myself and because I spent so much time alone, with my dark thoughts, I wanted to end my life.

I finally healed enough to realize I wanted to heal more. A much better circle of being.

I remember that after the scam, I was so afraid of being scammed again. I felt very vulnerable. Then, when I learned through SCARS that my scam experience could be sold to other scammers and I could be targeted further times, I felt helpless. But I also learned how to better protect myself to not interact with scammers and avoid falling victim to a scam again.

I’m still an arriver. I’ve hit the 5 month mark and heading toward 6 months since my crime. In looking at the curve chart, I now understand why all of a sudden I find myself having to turn away from thoughts of the criminal hourly and daily. I had been doing pretty good in not thinking about that relationship. And I recognize myself for that statement. I see that I need to be patient, practice more self-care care and that I am approaching the crest of that hill of recovery. That is good! I still have a ways to go before I hit the top of that curve.