My Scam Story #6

A Romance Scam Victim/Survivor’s Story

Survivor’s Origin: Canada

This is the original victim’s story, enhanced by the SCARS Institute Editorial Team to improve comprehension, readability, and continuity.

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My Scam Story

My Experience with a Long-Term Romance Scam

I first met my scammer through a dating website. After years of being out of the dating scene due to chronic health problems, I decided to return to online dating, where I’d previously met most of my dates. I had briefly dated someone earlier in the year, but that relationship ended after two months. About a month later, in May of 2018, my scammer first contacted me.

From the start, I was smitten by the photos in their profile. Physically, they appeared exactly like the partner I’d always hoped to find, and we seemed to connect quickly. We shared many interests, but I noticed they came on very strongly—immediately expressing a desire for sex on our first date and offering to buy me expensive gifts. I tried to downplay this, as I wasn’t comfortable with moving so quickly.

The Scam Begins

On June 1st, 2018, the scam began. My scammer asked me to buy an Apple gift card so they could maintain contact with me. Part of me sensed this wasn’t right, but another part desperately wanted to believe in their sincerity. Despite feeling conflicted, I bought the gift card.

They claimed to be attending college classes in Tennessee and said they would return in a few weeks for our first date. In the two weeks leading up to our meeting, they requested gift cards twice more, and each time I complied. On the day before our scheduled date, I was incredibly excited, only to receive a disappointing message that they had to cancel because their grandmother in Nigeria had died, and they needed to travel there with their mother.

At first, I believed this was a minor setback, thinking they’d return soon and we could begin our relationship. Weeks turned into months without any signs of their return, yet they continued requesting gift cards. Though I remained conflicted, I continued providing them, still holding onto hope.

Escalation of Lies and Manipulation

The lies deepened. They claimed their mother had been hit by a car and required money to treat her broken leg, which I provided. By 2019, they said they’d gotten a job to earn money to return home but continued needing gift cards to stay in touch with me. Although increasingly skeptical, I continued sending gift cards. Around this time, our communications escalated to sexting. They sent me explicit photos, often missing their face, and sometimes the skin color in the images didn’t match what they had claimed.

When the pandemic began in 2020, the nature of the scam changed dramatically. They convinced me to open a bank account to receive payment for work they claimed to have completed earlier. I soon discovered my account had been flagged for fraud due to fraudulent unemployment benefits deposited into it under someone else’s name. My bank warned me it was a scam—a clear signal to get out—but I still stayed, unwilling to accept that I was being deceived.

At their request, I also created an email account for their “work.” Since they never changed the password, I accessed the account and found they’d rejoined the same dating website, actively receiving messages from other men. When confronted, they lied and claimed the account was for a friend seeking a relationship, despite using the same pictures they’d sent me.

Financial Exploitation Continues

Eventually, they had me sending money through Cash App to a third party who transferred it to them. Later, they switched to requesting weekly Bitcoin transfers. At one point, they asked me to help secure funds from a “job,” which I later discovered was actually a fraudulent PPP loan. They claimed to have raised money for their return, only to say they contracted COVID and spent all the money on medicine.

In 2022, another glaring red flag appeared, which I ignored. They asked to use another of my bank accounts for a “big job,” and soon after, I received notifications that my IRA funds had been withdrawn without my consent. Although I confronted them and managed to reclaim the money after several stressful months, they insisted they had no idea what had happened. Still, I persisted in believing them.

Soon after, they claimed their mother had ALS and needed constant, expensive medication. Despite struggling financially myself, I continued to send money.

Throughout 2023, the pattern continued—opening new accounts, experiencing account closures due to fraud, and facing ongoing doubts. I had suspicions based on inconsistencies in their sexting photos, yet had no solid proof.

When I lost my job toward the end of 2023, I informed them I could no longer provide money. They repeatedly pressured me for more funds, even though I explained my need to save money in case of prolonged unemployment.

Discovering the Truth and Ending the Scam

In early 2024, the scam finally unraveled. One day, they sent a photo supposedly taken for me that day. I immediately recognized the background as Hard Rock Stadium in Miami, Florida. When questioned, they first claimed we had been there together—which we hadn’t. Then they said Nigeria had an identical stadium, and finally claimed it was just a shopping mall. After confronting them firmly, our communication deteriorated significantly.

A week later, I performed another reverse-image search and found a Facebook profile belonging to a real person living in Atlanta, Georgia, using the photos I’d been sent. Armed with evidence, I confronted my scammer. They tried explaining that they were originally from Atlanta—contradicting earlier claims of being born in Spain and moving to the US at age ten. They concocted a story about fleeing Atlanta due to childhood trauma. Communication soon ceased, and I finally blocked them, realizing I could never trust them again.

Psychological Impact and Recovery

Reflecting on my mindset during the scam, I realize I was vulnerable due to dissatisfaction with my work and family life. At the time, my father was showing signs of Parkinson’s Disease, and my job responsibilities had drastically increased after layoffs. After years away from dating, I felt insecure and eager for validation.

My scammer expertly manipulated these vulnerabilities, employing love-bombing tactics, constant sexual praise, and carefully selected images matching my preferences. Over five and a half years, I sent approximately $20,000 USD.

Recovery has been challenging. Shortly after ending contact, my father had a stroke, redirecting my attention to his health and my job search. Later, I began processing the scam, identifying the manipulation and finally realizing the scam was not my fault. Initially, I blamed myself for missing obvious red flags, but gradually learned to direct blame appropriately towards the scammer.

Recently, I shared the full story with my parents. While supportive, they were hurt by my dishonesty and distressed that I’d sent money despite earlier warnings. Nonetheless, discussing my experiences openly has been crucial to my emotional recovery.

Helping Others and Handling Fallout

I’ve since become active on Reddit, sharing my story and offering advice to potential scam victims. Helping others avoid similar mistakes has been therapeutic, providing a sense of purpose and healing.

Currently, I’m dealing with financial and legal repercussions, including convincing the IRS I didn’t authorize the IRA withdrawal and addressing fraudulent PPP loans with the Small Business Administration. My goal is to have these fraudulent charges recognized and dismissed, freeing me from the debts created by the scam.

Sharing my experience publicly and advocating for scam awareness has become part of my journey toward recovery and resilience.

SCARS Institute Notes:

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