Survivors Remember
- It was not your fault!
- You are a survivor!
- You are stronger than you know!
- You are not alone!
- Axios! You are worthy!
- Vera! It’s all true!
To get help, please visit ScamVictimsSupport.org and sign up for the SCARS Institute FREE Scam Survivor’s School at www.SCARSeducation.org
My Scam Story #36
A Romance Scam Victim/Survivor’s Story
Survivor’s Origin: BRAZIL
This is the original victim’s story, enhanced by the SCARS Institute Editorial Team to improve comprehension, readability, and continuity.
WARNING: THIS SCAM VICTIM/SURVIVOR’S STORY MAY BE TRIGGERING TO SOME PEOPLE. DISCRETION IS ADVISED.
ADVERTENCIA: LA HISTORIA DE ESTA VÍCTIMA/SOBREVIVIENTE DE ESTAFA PUEDE SER INSENSIBLE PARA ALGUNAS PERSONAS. SE RECOMIENDA DISCRECIÓN.
If you need help, join our free SCARS Institute Support and Recovery Program at support.AgainstScams.org
Si necesita ayuda, únase a nuestro Programa gratuito de Apoyo y Recuperación del Instituto SCARS en support.AgainstScams.org
My Scam Story
Okay… get comfortable. Kick your feet up. Maybe grab a cocktail if you feel like it—because my story? It’s a doozy.
On the right was the man who scammed me. On the left was the man he pretended to be.
I first fell for the man he said he was. We met in a comment section online. Someone posted something funny, and we both replied that it was hysterical. That’s how it began.
He introduced himself as “Richard Scott.” He said he was a contractor working in oil and engineering, with an 11-year-old son. He told me his wife had passed away. We talked as “Richard” for over five months.
Then, around the beginning of the sixth month, something shifted. The texts started getting weird. They didn’t make sense. Then he asked me for money. I didn’t send anything—not at first. But something about the way things were going made me suspicious. So I took a chance. I emailed him and asked, “Who are you really?” Honestly, I was bluffing.
To my shock, he answered. He told me his name wasn’t Richard Scott. It was Christian Ighodalo. He was Black and from Nigeria.
The first time I saw him on camera, I was in disbelief. He was nervous and tried to hide his face under a blanket. I was in shock. But despite everything, I kept talking to him. I don’t know why. Maybe because I believe in second chances. Maybe because I wanted to believe there was still good in him.
He was smooth with words—just like they all are. He told me he loved me early on. He sent me poems, love songs, and sweet messages. He apologized for lying. And little by little, I fell for him. I fell in love with the scammer.
He told me we’d be together. He said he needed help getting a visa so he could come to me. He promised to handle his passport and flight; my part would be covering the cost of the visa. Besides that, I sent money here and there for things like food and gas for his generator. He used my own words and values against me—he knew I cared deeply about hunger and hardship, and he used that to get what he wanted.
We talked face-to-face on video calls. I even took a screenshot of him once—he got really angry about that. But still, I sent the money for the visa. I never gave him my address, and I didn’t really have many details about what kind of visa he was applying for. He sent me forms to fill out. I didn’t sign them right away. I had a gut feeling. I asked my friend Lisa to look at them. She said, “Don’t sign this. These are fake.”
It stopped me in my tracks.
Up until that moment, I had been numb. Desperate. I wanted him to be real so badly. But that warning woke me up. I felt nervous, and I was afraid. I called him, and during that call, he said horrible things to me. He told me, “Don’t worry—we have your details. We can do the rest.”
I was terrified.
So I called the American Embassy in Nigeria and told them everything. I filed a case against him. I gave them all the information I had—his name, his threats, the fake documents. Within 24 hours, they closed the case. The only comment they made was, “We know you didn’t fill out the paperwork.” That was it.
He scammed me for over $2,000. But the money isn’t what hurt the most. He took my time, my emotional energy, and my heart. He broke something inside me. It’s hard for me to trust men now. I tried a dating app on Facebook, but every single response I got was from another scammer.
I’m healing, slowly. I’m definitely a lot wiser than I was. And I’m thankful to be in this group with all of you. I don’t see myself as better or worse than anyone else here. A scam is a scam—every one of them is awful. Every one is a violation. A personal invasion. It’s painful.
But I believe I’m strong. I’m getting through the pain day by day. I fight it every single day.
At the end of the day, we’re all human. We’re emotional, we care, and like many of you, I wear my heart on my sleeve. That’s who I am. This is what happened to me. I’ve reported him. I’ve blocked him from every device, every app, every contact list.
And I need to say this: Thank you, Iris Münzel and SCARS, for finding me when I was at my most vulnerable. You saved me. I will always be grateful for that. And thank you to everyone here—for your kind words, for your support, for simply being here.
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PLEASE NOTE:
In the case of Scam Survivor’s Stories: The SCARS Institute displays this story to help recent scam victims. We are authorized to display this story and in this form or edition is copyright © Society of Citizens Against Relationship Scams Inc. All rights reserved. The specific survivor’s identity has been anonymized for their protection. Photos are generated and are not of the real person.
In the case of the Criminal’s Stories: The SCARS Institute presents the Criminal Stories to assist scam victims in understanding that criminals are real individuals, despite their terrible actions, and we can gain valuable insights from their experiences to prevent crime and identify these schemes as they emerge. We aim to support victims and survivors in releasing the emotions they harbor toward the criminals, fostering a path toward potential forgiveness over time.
Important Information for New Scam Victims
- Please visit www.ScamVictimsSupport.org – a SCARS Website for New Scam Victims & Sextortion Victims
- SCARS Institute now offers a free recovery program at www.SCARSeducation.org
- Please visit www.ScamPsychology.org – to more fully understand the psychological concepts involved in scams and scam victim recovery
If you are looking for local trauma counselors, please visit counseling.AgainstScams.org
If you need to speak with someone now, you can dial 988 or find phone numbers for crisis hotlines all around the world here: www.opencounseling.com/suicide-hotlines
A Question of Trust
At the SCARS Institute, we invite you to do your own research on the topics we speak about and publish. Our team investigates the subject being discussed, especially when it comes to understanding the scam victims-survivors’ experience. You can do Google searches but in many cases, you will have to wade through scientific papers and studies. However, remember that biases and perspectives matter and influence the outcome. Regardless, we encourage you to explore these topics as thoroughly as you can for your own awareness.
SCARS Resources:
- Getting Started For New Victims of Relationship Scams: ScamVictimsSupport.org
- FREE enrollment in the SCARS Institute training programs for scam victims SCARSeducation.org
- Subscribe to SCARS Newsletter newsletter.againstscams.org
- Sign up for SCARS professional support & recovery groups, visit support.AgainstScams.org
- Find competent trauma counselors or therapists, visit counseling.AgainstScams.org
- Report each and every crime, learn how to at reporting.AgainstScams.org
- Learn more about Scams & Scammers at RomanceScamsNOW.com and ScamsNOW.com
- Learn more about the Psychology of Scams and Scam Victims: ScamPsychology.org
- For Scam Victims Advocates: www.ScamVictimsAdvocates.org
- Self-Help Books for Scam Victims are at shop.AgainstScams.org
- Worldwide Crisis Hotlines: International Suicide Hotlines – OpenCounseling : OpenCounseling
- Campaign To End Scam Victim Blaming – 2024 (scamsnow.com)
More Survivor Stories
More Criminal Stories
A Note About Labeling!
We often use the term ‘scam victim’ in our articles, but this is a convenience to help those searching for information in search engines like Google. It is just a convenience and has no deeper meaning. If you have come through such an experience, YOU are a Survivor! It was not your fault. You are not alone! Axios!
Statement About Victim Blaming
Some of our articles discuss various aspects of victims. This is both about better understanding victims (the science of victimology) and their behaviors and psychology. This helps us to educate victims/survivors about why these crimes happened and not to blame themselves, better develop recovery programs, and to help victims avoid scams in the future. At times, this may sound like blaming the victim, but it does not blame scam victims; we are simply explaining the hows and whys of the experience victims have.
These articles, about the Psychology of Scams or Victim Psychology – meaning that all humans have psychological or cognitive characteristics in common that can either be exploited or work against us – help us all to understand the unique challenges victims face before, during, and after scams, fraud, or cybercrimes. These sometimes talk about some of the vulnerabilities the scammers exploit. Victims rarely have control of them or are even aware of them, until something like a scam happens, and then they can learn how their mind works and how to overcome these mechanisms.
SCARS Institute articles can help victims and others understand these processes and how to help prevent them from being exploited again or to help them recover more easily by understanding their post-scam behaviors. Learn more about the Psychology of Scams at www.ScamPsychology.org and www.ScamsNOW.com
Psychology Disclaimer:
All articles about psychology and the human brain on SCARS Institute websites are for information & education only
The information provided in SCARS Institute articles is intended for educational and self-help purposes only and should not be construed as a substitute for professional therapy or counseling.
Note about Mindfulness: Mindfulness practices have the potential to create psychological distress for some individuals. Please consult a mental health professional or experienced meditation instructor for guidance should you encounter difficulties.
While any self-help techniques outlined herein may be beneficial for scam victims seeking to recover from their experience and move towards recovery, it is important to consult with a qualified mental health professional before initiating any course of action. Each individual’s experience and needs are unique, and what works for one person may not be suitable for another.
Additionally, any approach may not be appropriate for individuals with certain pre-existing mental health conditions or trauma histories. It is advisable to seek guidance from a licensed therapist or counselor who can provide personalized support, guidance, and treatment tailored to your specific needs.
If you are experiencing significant distress or emotional difficulties related to a scam or other traumatic event, please consult your doctor or mental health provider for appropriate care and support.
If you are in crisis, feeling desperate, or in despair, please call 988 or your local crisis hotline.
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