• Scam Survivor Stories from SCARS Institute

Remember

  • It was not your fault!
  • You are a survivor!
  • You are stronger than you know!
  • You are not alone!
  • Axios! You are worthy!
  • Vera! It’s all true!

To get help, please visit ScamVictimsSupport.org and sign up for the SCARS Institute Support & Recovery Program at support.AgainstScams.org

My Scam Story #21

A Romance Scam Victim/Survivor’s Story

Survivor’s Origin: USA

This is the original victim’s story, enhanced by the SCARS Institute Editorial Team to improve comprehension, readability, and continuity.

ADVERTENCIA: LA HISTORIA DE ESTA VÍCTIMA/SOBREVIVIENTE DE ESTAFA PUEDE SER INSENSIBLE PARA ALGUNAS PERSONAS. SE RECOMIENDA DISCRECIÓN.

Si necesita ayuda, únase a nuestro Programa gratuito de Apoyo y Recuperación del Instituto SCARS en support.AgainstScams.org

My Scam Story

This is the story I shared long ago about my experience in the support group. I thought I would repost it here for those who might be interested. Originally, I posted this over two years ago, and since then, I’ve grown significantly in knowledge and self-awareness, learning a great deal about myself along the way.

Since I’ve been part of this group for a while, I think it’s time I shared my own story. To be completely honest, I initially hesitated because I felt guilty being here—I didn’t lose money, but I did lose some of my self-respect and dignity. At the time, I was experiencing intense stress due to my mother’s dementia and wasn’t receiving adequate emotional support from my husband. Although he’s a good person, he was hypercritical during this challenging period. Additionally, we were navigating health concerns with my daughter, who had a cancer scare. Looking back, I realize I wasn’t feeling very loved or appreciated.

I met this individual while playing “Words with Friends.” Initially, our conversations were casual and friendly. I felt sympathy for him due to his supposed family troubles. However, after about two months of casual conversation, things took an odd turn. He began expressing romantic feelings and even said he wanted to marry me. Each time, I reminded him that I was married and loved my husband deeply. Despite my initial insistence, I soon found myself developing emotional feelings toward him, which greatly disturbed me. Recognizing that these feelings were wrong and unfair to my husband, I decided to end our conversations.

No one knew about this situation except one very close friend, who reminded me that this was not who I truly was or how I should behave. With her help, I finally recognized that the person I was talking to was a scammer. On the day I decided to say goodbye and told him I could no longer speak to him, he revealed that he had arranged to send money for me to hold for him. I was completely shocked and told him there was absolutely no way I would ever be involved in any financial dealings. Immediately afterward, I cut him off and blocked all contact. It later became clear that he had attempted to set me up to be a money mule.

Interestingly, he never asked me for money directly, used perfect grammar, and didn’t match the typical descriptions of scammers I’d read about. These factors made it difficult for me to realize what was truly happening until emotional involvement began clouding my judgment. Fortunately, consulting with my friend helped me regain clarity and perspective.

Whenever I read the tragic stories from others in this group, I often find myself in tears, sometimes feeling as though my experience doesn’t quite compare. Nonetheless, I’ve dealt with substantial guilt and emotional turmoil from my situation, and my hope is that by sharing my experience, I can offer support and understanding to others who find themselves in similar circumstances.

Postscript (August 2019): I no longer feel guilty or believe I don’t belong here. I’ve found peace through education, assisting other survivors, and actively reporting scammers. My relationship with my husband has strengthened significantly, and he is now incredibly supportive. Thank you all for the love and support—sending heartfelt hugs to everyone!

SCARS Institute Notes:

-/ 30 /-

Thank You to this Scam Survivor for Their Story!
Please Share YOUR Story Here!
We Will Anonymize Your Story to Help Shield Your Identity!

PLEASE NOTE: The SCARS Institute displays this story to help recent scam victims. We are authorized to display this story and in this form or edition is copyright © Society of Citizens Against Relationship Scams Inc. All rights reserved. The specific survivor’s identity has been anonymized for their protection. Photos are generated and are not of the real person.

Please Rate This Article

How useful was this post?

Click on a star to rate it!

Average rating 0 / 5. Vote count: 0

No votes so far! Be the first to rate this post.

Please Leave Us Your Comment
Also, tell us of any topics we might have missed.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Important Information for New Scam Victims

If you are looking for local trauma counselors, please visit counseling.AgainstScams.org

If you need to speak with someone now, you can dial 988 or find phone numbers for crisis hotlines all around the world here: www.opencounseling.com/suicide-hotlines

A Question of Trust

At the SCARS Institute, we invite you to do your own research on the topics we speak about and publish. Our team investigates the subject being discussed, especially when it comes to understanding the scam victims-survivors’ experience. You can do Google searches but in many cases, you will have to wade through scientific papers and studies. However, remember that biases and perspectives matter and influence the outcome. Regardless, we encourage you to explore these topics as thoroughly as you can for your own awareness.

Recent Reader Comments

Important Information for New Scam Victims

If you are looking for local trauma counselors please visit counseling.AgainstScams.org or join SCARS for our counseling/therapy benefit: membership.AgainstScams.org

If you need to speak with someone now, you can dial 988 or find phone numbers for crisis hotlines all around the world here: www.opencounseling.com/suicide-hotlines

SCARS Resources:

A Note About Labeling!

We often use the term ‘scam victim’ in our articles, but this is a convenience to help those searching for information in search engines like Google. It is just a convenience and has no deeper meaning. If you have come through such an experience, YOU are a Survivor! It was not your fault. You are not alone! Axios!

Psychology Disclaimer:

All articles about psychology and the human brain on this website are for information & education only

The information provided in this and other SCARS articles are intended for educational and self-help purposes only and should not be construed as a substitute for professional therapy or counseling.

Note about Mindfulness: Mindfulness practices have the potential to create psychological distress for some individuals. Please consult a mental health professional or experienced meditation instructor for guidance should you encounter difficulties.

While any self-help techniques outlined herein may be beneficial for scam victims seeking to recover from their experience and move towards recovery, it is important to consult with a qualified mental health professional before initiating any course of action. Each individual’s experience and needs are unique, and what works for one person may not be suitable for another.

Additionally, any approach may not be appropriate for individuals with certain pre-existing mental health conditions or trauma histories. It is advisable to seek guidance from a licensed therapist or counselor who can provide personalized support, guidance, and treatment tailored to your specific needs.

If you are experiencing significant distress or emotional difficulties related to a scam or other traumatic event, please consult your doctor or mental health provider for appropriate care and support.

If you are in crisis, feeling desperate, or in despair please call 988 or your local crisis hotline.

Statement About Victim Blaming

Some of our articles discuss various aspects of victims. This is both about better understanding victims (the science of victimology) and their behaviors and psychology. This helps us to educate victims/survivors about why these crimes happened and to not blame themselves, better develop recovery programs, and to help victims avoid scams in the future. At times this may sound like blaming the victim, but it does not blame scam victims, we are simply explaining the hows and whys of the experience victims have.

These articles, about the Psychology of Scams or Victim Psychology – meaning that all humans have psychological or cognitive characteristics in common that can either be exploited or work against us – help us all to understand the unique challenges victims face before, during, and after scams, fraud, or cybercrimes. These sometimes talk about some of the vulnerabilities the scammers exploit. Victims rarely have control of them or are even aware of them, until something like a scam happens and then they can learn how their mind works and how to overcome these mechanisms.

Articles like these help victims and others understand these processes and how to help prevent them from being exploited again or to help them recover more easily by understanding their post-scam behaviors. Learn more about the Psychology of Scams at www.ScamPsychology.org