• Scam Survivor Stories from SCARS Institute

Remember

  • It was not your fault!
  • You are a survivor!
  • You are stronger than you know!
  • You are not alone!
  • Axios! You are worthy!
  • Vera! It’s all true!

To get help, please visit ScamVictimsSupport.org and sign up for the SCARS Institute Support & Recovery Program at support.AgainstScams.org

My Scam Story #30

A Romance Scam Victim/Survivor’s Story

Survivor’s Origin: USA

This is the original victim’s story, enhanced by the SCARS Institute Editorial Team to improve comprehension, readability, and continuity.

ADVERTENCIA: LA HISTORIA DE ESTA VÍCTIMA/SOBREVIVIENTE DE ESTAFA PUEDE SER INSENSIBLE PARA ALGUNAS PERSONAS. SE RECOMIENDA DISCRECIÓN.

Si necesita ayuda, únase a nuestro Programa gratuito de Apoyo y Recuperación del Instituto SCARS en support.AgainstScams.org

My Scam Story

I want to share how I now feel about the scammers and some valuable lessons I’ve learned from this deeply painful experience.

They say hindsight is 20/20, and now I understand this clearly. When the entire picture finally emerges, we see not just the small fragments we noticed during our ordeal but the full reality. That’s when the deepest pain truly takes hold. During the scam, every day brought another crisis or drama. The scammers thrive on creating emotional chaos, and all we can perceive at the time are small snapshots of what they want us to see, carefully manipulated moments.

The process of reporting the scammers provided my first sense of regaining control and peace of mind. Through reporting, I was able to place the blame exactly where it belonged—on the scammers themselves. This realization was critical for me because it helped lift the heavy weight of guilt and shame off my shoulders.

Reflecting on the experience, I can now clearly identify several red flags I overlooked. I had gut feelings and moments of doubt that something wasn’t quite right, but the scammers had me so effectively brainwashed and manipulated that I consistently ignored my intuition. They know precisely how to control and exploit people, constantly keeping us off balance, always prepared with an answer or excuse. Their entire job is to maintain the illusion they have crafted at any cost.

When we finally “wake up” from the manipulation, we are left with the overwhelming task of figuring out how to survive the emotional aftermath of this gut-wrenching experience. It is essential to understand that envisioning your future with the scammer wasn’t crazy or foolish. I did the same, fully believing the beautiful picture they painted of our shared future. Their lies felt real because they were designed to exploit our deepest hopes and vulnerabilities.

Scammers find and exploit our vulnerabilities with precision, feeding on them to achieve their goals. They genuinely live in our minds, controlling our thoughts and emotions. Gandhi once said, “Do not let anyone walk through your mind with dirty feet,” yet these scammers did exactly that. Their manipulation was so skillful that I didn’t even realize the extent to which I had allowed them to influence my thinking.

I want to reassure everyone going through this that your heart will indeed begin to heal. Healing is a gradual process, sometimes painfully slow. We heal one day at a time, sometimes one hour at a time, and at the worst moments, one minute at a time. Healing looks different for each person, and it’s important to allow yourself to mourn the illusion as you would mourn a lost loved one. Eventually, we learn to bury the ghost of the false relationship, holding firmly onto our faith and beginning to fill the emotional void with positive and productive connections with friends, family, and our spiritual beliefs.

During this healing journey, we go through several stages—guilt, anger, blame, resentment—and slowly learn to make adjustments and rebuild our lives. As we gradually deprogram ourselves from the manipulation and control, we rediscover our joy. This takes time, and the waiting can be excruciatingly painful, but it is achievable.

SCARS has given us a valuable platform to express our pain, share our stories, vent our frustrations, and find meaningful support without fear of judgment. By sharing our experiences and providing comfort to one another, we fulfill the mission of “each one teach one.” Together, we help each other recover, heal, and regain control over our lives, turning this devastating experience into a source of strength and wisdom.

SCARS Institute Notes:

-/ 30 /-

Thank You to this Scam Survivor for Their Story!
Please Share YOUR Story Here!
We Will Anonymize Your Story to Help Shield Your Identity!

PLEASE NOTE: The SCARS Institute displays this story to help recent scam victims. We are authorized to display this story and in this form or edition is copyright © Society of Citizens Against Relationship Scams Inc. All rights reserved. The specific survivor’s identity has been anonymized for their protection. Photos are generated and are not of the real person.

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Important Information for New Scam Victims

If you are looking for local trauma counselors, please visit counseling.AgainstScams.org

If you need to speak with someone now, you can dial 988 or find phone numbers for crisis hotlines all around the world here: www.opencounseling.com/suicide-hotlines

A Question of Trust

At the SCARS Institute, we invite you to do your own research on the topics we speak about and publish. Our team investigates the subject being discussed, especially when it comes to understanding the scam victims-survivors’ experience. You can do Google searches but in many cases, you will have to wade through scientific papers and studies. However, remember that biases and perspectives matter and influence the outcome. Regardless, we encourage you to explore these topics as thoroughly as you can for your own awareness.

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Important Information for New Scam Victims

If you are looking for local trauma counselors please visit counseling.AgainstScams.org or join SCARS for our counseling/therapy benefit: membership.AgainstScams.org

If you need to speak with someone now, you can dial 988 or find phone numbers for crisis hotlines all around the world here: www.opencounseling.com/suicide-hotlines

SCARS Resources:

A Note About Labeling!

We often use the term ‘scam victim’ in our articles, but this is a convenience to help those searching for information in search engines like Google. It is just a convenience and has no deeper meaning. If you have come through such an experience, YOU are a Survivor! It was not your fault. You are not alone! Axios!

Psychology Disclaimer:

All articles about psychology and the human brain on this website are for information & education only

The information provided in this and other SCARS articles are intended for educational and self-help purposes only and should not be construed as a substitute for professional therapy or counseling.

Note about Mindfulness: Mindfulness practices have the potential to create psychological distress for some individuals. Please consult a mental health professional or experienced meditation instructor for guidance should you encounter difficulties.

While any self-help techniques outlined herein may be beneficial for scam victims seeking to recover from their experience and move towards recovery, it is important to consult with a qualified mental health professional before initiating any course of action. Each individual’s experience and needs are unique, and what works for one person may not be suitable for another.

Additionally, any approach may not be appropriate for individuals with certain pre-existing mental health conditions or trauma histories. It is advisable to seek guidance from a licensed therapist or counselor who can provide personalized support, guidance, and treatment tailored to your specific needs.

If you are experiencing significant distress or emotional difficulties related to a scam or other traumatic event, please consult your doctor or mental health provider for appropriate care and support.

If you are in crisis, feeling desperate, or in despair please call 988 or your local crisis hotline.

Statement About Victim Blaming

Some of our articles discuss various aspects of victims. This is both about better understanding victims (the science of victimology) and their behaviors and psychology. This helps us to educate victims/survivors about why these crimes happened and to not blame themselves, better develop recovery programs, and to help victims avoid scams in the future. At times this may sound like blaming the victim, but it does not blame scam victims, we are simply explaining the hows and whys of the experience victims have.

These articles, about the Psychology of Scams or Victim Psychology – meaning that all humans have psychological or cognitive characteristics in common that can either be exploited or work against us – help us all to understand the unique challenges victims face before, during, and after scams, fraud, or cybercrimes. These sometimes talk about some of the vulnerabilities the scammers exploit. Victims rarely have control of them or are even aware of them, until something like a scam happens and then they can learn how their mind works and how to overcome these mechanisms.

Articles like these help victims and others understand these processes and how to help prevent them from being exploited again or to help them recover more easily by understanding their post-scam behaviors. Learn more about the Psychology of Scams at www.ScamPsychology.org