Survivors Remember
- It was not your fault!
- You are a survivor!
- You are stronger than you know!
- You are not alone!
- Axios! You are worthy!
- Vera! It’s all true!
To get help, please visit ScamVictimsSupport.org and sign up for the SCARS Institute FREE Scam Survivor’s School at www.SCARSeducation.org
My Scam Story #36
A Romance Scam Victim/Survivor’s Story
Survivor’s Origin: GERMANY
This is the original victim’s story, enhanced by the SCARS Institute Editorial Team to improve comprehension, readability, and continuity.
WARNING: THIS SCAM VICTIM/SURVIVOR’S STORY MAY BE TRIGGERING TO SOME PEOPLE. DISCRETION IS ADVISED.
ADVERTENCIA: LA HISTORIA DE ESTA VÍCTIMA/SOBREVIVIENTE DE ESTAFA PUEDE SER INSENSIBLE PARA ALGUNAS PERSONAS. SE RECOMIENDA DISCRECIÓN.
If you need help, join our free SCARS Institute Support and Recovery Program at support.AgainstScams.org
Si necesita ayuda, únase a nuestro Programa gratuito de Apoyo y Recuperación del Instituto SCARS en support.AgainstScams.org
My Scam Story
Hi everybody. My story is a little different because I wasn’t scammed online. My scam began in person—at a high school reunion.
I reconnected with someone I had gone to school with back in 1992 in Bamberg, Germany. We caught up and realized we now lived just 45 minutes apart. We started talking regularly on the phone and quickly became close friends.
Not long after that, I went through one of the hardest moments of my life—my beloved fur baby of 12 years became seriously ill, and I had to make the heartbreaking decision to let her go. I was devastated. During that time, my friend stepped up and was right there for me. She became my support system. Just a day or two after my dog passed and I was still in terrible emotional shape, she asked me for money.
At the time, I didn’t think twice. She was my best friend. Of course I would help her.
Throughout our renewed friendship, she had occasionally mentioned being involved in a lawsuit. She never gave many details, claiming it was tied up in the courts and she wasn’t allowed to talk about it. But suddenly, not long after she asked for money, she told me the case had been settled and she would soon receive just under $4 million.
She said she could trust me now, and that’s why she was finally sharing the details. We had grown very close. I visited her home regularly, met her children, and she even asked me to be their godmother. I got along well with her husband, too. We did what best friends do—shared laughs, leaned on each other, made plans for the future.
She told me if I helped her financially until the settlement came through, she would give me $1.5 million. We made plans to move to the beach. She dreamed of opening a bakery, and I was going to go back to school to get my master’s degree. We even drove out to the coast once to look at houses. We were going to live in separate homes but be close by. It felt real. It felt exciting. It felt like something good was finally happening in my life.
But when the day came for the money to be paid out, nothing happened. She had excuses. The money was delayed. The courts were holding things up. She kept involving a “lawyer” who she would speak to in front of me or leave messages for when I was around—messages that now I realize were likely staged or part of the scam. It was convincing at the time, and I wanted to believe her. I didn’t want to think someone I cared about so deeply could be lying to me.
The truth was brutal. There was no lawsuit. There was no settlement. There was never any money.
So here I am. My retirement account is gone. My credit cards are maxed out. I am financially devastated. Some days I wake up and I don’t know how I’m going to keep going. I gave everything because I believed in her—and in us, as friends.
But she wasn’t really my friend. I put my full trust in her. She didn’t just steal my money. She manipulated my heart. She convinced me this was an investment, that I was helping her unlock something real, and that we’d both benefit. What I didn’t know was that none of it existed.
Now I’m left with the wreckage—financially, emotionally, and personally. I lost more than money. I lost a future I had imagined. I lost someone I thought was my best friend. And what hurts even more is how suddenly it ended. One day we were talking every day like we always had… and then she just disappeared.
Poof. Gone.
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PLEASE NOTE:
In the case of Scam Survivor’s Stories: The SCARS Institute displays this story to help recent scam victims. We are authorized to display this story and in this form or edition is copyright © Society of Citizens Against Relationship Scams Inc. All rights reserved. The specific survivor’s identity has been anonymized for their protection. Photos are generated and are not of the real person.
In the case of the Criminal’s Stories: The SCARS Institute presents the Criminal Stories to assist scam victims in understanding that criminals are real individuals, despite their terrible actions, and we can gain valuable insights from their experiences to prevent crime and identify these schemes as they emerge. We aim to support victims and survivors in releasing the emotions they harbor toward the criminals, fostering a path toward potential forgiveness over time.
Important Information for New Scam Victims
- Please visit www.ScamVictimsSupport.org – a SCARS Website for New Scam Victims & Sextortion Victims
- SCARS Institute now offers a free recovery program at www.SCARSeducation.org
- Please visit www.ScamPsychology.org – to more fully understand the psychological concepts involved in scams and scam victim recovery
If you are looking for local trauma counselors, please visit counseling.AgainstScams.org
If you need to speak with someone now, you can dial 988 or find phone numbers for crisis hotlines all around the world here: www.opencounseling.com/suicide-hotlines
A Question of Trust
At the SCARS Institute, we invite you to do your own research on the topics we speak about and publish. Our team investigates the subject being discussed, especially when it comes to understanding the scam victims-survivors’ experience. You can do Google searches but in many cases, you will have to wade through scientific papers and studies. However, remember that biases and perspectives matter and influence the outcome. Regardless, we encourage you to explore these topics as thoroughly as you can for your own awareness.
SCARS Resources:
- Getting Started For New Victims of Relationship Scams: ScamVictimsSupport.org
- FREE enrollment in the SCARS Institute training programs for scam victims SCARSeducation.org
- Subscribe to SCARS Newsletter newsletter.againstscams.org
- Sign up for SCARS professional support & recovery groups, visit support.AgainstScams.org
- Find competent trauma counselors or therapists, visit counseling.AgainstScams.org
- Report each and every crime, learn how to at reporting.AgainstScams.org
- Learn more about Scams & Scammers at RomanceScamsNOW.com and ScamsNOW.com
- Learn more about the Psychology of Scams and Scam Victims: ScamPsychology.org
- For Scam Victims Advocates: www.ScamVictimsAdvocates.org
- Self-Help Books for Scam Victims are at shop.AgainstScams.org
- Worldwide Crisis Hotlines: International Suicide Hotlines – OpenCounseling : OpenCounseling
- Campaign To End Scam Victim Blaming – 2024 (scamsnow.com)
More Survivor Stories
More Criminal Stories
A Note About Labeling!
We often use the term ‘scam victim’ in our articles, but this is a convenience to help those searching for information in search engines like Google. It is just a convenience and has no deeper meaning. If you have come through such an experience, YOU are a Survivor! It was not your fault. You are not alone! Axios!
Statement About Victim Blaming
Some of our articles discuss various aspects of victims. This is both about better understanding victims (the science of victimology) and their behaviors and psychology. This helps us to educate victims/survivors about why these crimes happened and not to blame themselves, better develop recovery programs, and to help victims avoid scams in the future. At times, this may sound like blaming the victim, but it does not blame scam victims; we are simply explaining the hows and whys of the experience victims have.
These articles, about the Psychology of Scams or Victim Psychology – meaning that all humans have psychological or cognitive characteristics in common that can either be exploited or work against us – help us all to understand the unique challenges victims face before, during, and after scams, fraud, or cybercrimes. These sometimes talk about some of the vulnerabilities the scammers exploit. Victims rarely have control of them or are even aware of them, until something like a scam happens, and then they can learn how their mind works and how to overcome these mechanisms.
SCARS Institute articles can help victims and others understand these processes and how to help prevent them from being exploited again or to help them recover more easily by understanding their post-scam behaviors. Learn more about the Psychology of Scams at www.ScamPsychology.org and www.ScamsNOW.com
Psychology Disclaimer:
All articles about psychology and the human brain on SCARS Institute websites are for information & education only
The information provided in SCARS Institute articles is intended for educational and self-help purposes only and should not be construed as a substitute for professional therapy or counseling.
Note about Mindfulness: Mindfulness practices have the potential to create psychological distress for some individuals. Please consult a mental health professional or experienced meditation instructor for guidance should you encounter difficulties.
While any self-help techniques outlined herein may be beneficial for scam victims seeking to recover from their experience and move towards recovery, it is important to consult with a qualified mental health professional before initiating any course of action. Each individual’s experience and needs are unique, and what works for one person may not be suitable for another.
Additionally, any approach may not be appropriate for individuals with certain pre-existing mental health conditions or trauma histories. It is advisable to seek guidance from a licensed therapist or counselor who can provide personalized support, guidance, and treatment tailored to your specific needs.
If you are experiencing significant distress or emotional difficulties related to a scam or other traumatic event, please consult your doctor or mental health provider for appropriate care and support.
If you are in crisis, feeling desperate, or in despair, please call 988 or your local crisis hotline.
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