• Scam Survivor Stories from SCARS Institute

Remember

  • It was not your fault!
  • You are a survivor!
  • You are stronger than you know!
  • You are not alone!
  • Axios! You are worthy!
  • Vera! It’s all true!

To get help, please visit ScamVictimsSupport.org and sign up for the SCARS Institute Support & Recovery Program at support.AgainstScams.org

My Scam Story #35

A Romance Scam Victim/Survivor’s Story

Survivor’s Origin: CANADA

This is the original victim’s story, enhanced by the SCARS Institute Editorial Team to improve comprehension, readability, and continuity.

ADVERTENCIA: LA HISTORIA DE ESTA VÍCTIMA/SOBREVIVIENTE DE ESTAFA PUEDE SER INSENSIBLE PARA ALGUNAS PERSONAS. SE RECOMIENDA DISCRECIÓN.

Si necesita ayuda, únase a nuestro Programa gratuito de Apoyo y Recuperación del Instituto SCARS en support.AgainstScams.org

My Scam Story

It was the Saturday after Thanksgiving, and I was working that weekend at the hospital. I had only been on Facebook for a couple of months at that point, and I didn’t know anything about scammers. I wasn’t looking for a partner—my husband had passed away the previous May from prostate cancer. He was my soulmate, and I never imagined I could find someone like him again.

After his passing, I updated my Facebook status to “widow.” Not long after, I began receiving numerous friend requests from men I didn’t know. I deleted all of them without a second thought. But during my lunch break that Saturday, I received a request from a man named Christopher Anderson. According to his profile, he was a doctor working for the Red Cross, stationed in a hospital in Aleppo, Syria.

Something about his profile caught my attention. I remember thinking, This man is putting his life at risk to help others. That thought moved me, and I accepted his friend request.

We began chatting. He told me he had a 13-year-old son and that his wife had died of breast cancer two years earlier. He also shared that he had a contract with the Red Cross worth $2 million, which he would receive after completing his tour of duty. Our conversations continued, and soon he began telling me he was falling in love with me. He said he had never met anyone like me. He promised me a future together, said he wanted to marry me, and talked about buying a home for the three of us—him, his son, and me.

I was totally smitten. I fell in love with him.

Then one day, he told me the hospital he worked in had been bombed. He said many of the doctors and nurses were killed, and he was one of the few survivors. He claimed he was starving, had nowhere to go, and that his only chance of survival was to pay soldiers to help him escape to Turkey.

I sent him $500 so he could pay them.

Once he said he had arrived in Turkey, he told me he needed more money to stay in a hotel. I sent him another $500. He said he was going to the Red Cross office in Turkey to try to break his contract so he could return to the United States. He claimed it would cost $2,500 to break the contract, plus another $2,000 for a plane ticket to fly back to the U.S.

By then, something in my gut started telling me something wasn’t right. I asked him to send me identification. He responded that the Red Cross had taken his ID and passport and wouldn’t return them unless he paid the money—or went back to Syria and finished his contract.

That explanation didn’t sit right with me. I confided in a close friend, and she told me I was being scammed. I didn’t want to believe her, but I confronted him anyway. He denied everything and came up with more excuses.

I started looking more closely at his Facebook profile. I reached out to some of the women who had liked his posts. What I discovered devastated me—he had many other women he was involved with, and several had also sent him money.

I was furious. I sent him a message filled with anger, demanded my money back, and called him out for what he was. He deleted that Facebook account and disappeared.

After that, I stayed in contact with several of the other women he had scammed. I began warning them and sharing information. I felt strongly that more needed to be done, so I created a Facebook page called Women Against Scammers to help raise awareness and support others going through the same experience.

Eventually, I posted his photo on one of Iris’s scam awareness pages. She reached out to me, and that’s when things began to shift. Iris educated me on how to protect myself online—how to lock down my friend list, perform reverse image searches, and recognize red flags. She invited me to join her group.

And the rest is history.

SCARS Institute Notes:

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Thank You to this Scam Survivor for Their Story!
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PLEASE NOTE: The SCARS Institute displays this story to help recent scam victims. We are authorized to display this story and in this form or edition is copyright © Society of Citizens Against Relationship Scams Inc. All rights reserved. The specific survivor’s identity has been anonymized for their protection. Photos are generated and are not of the real person.

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Important Information for New Scam Victims

If you are looking for local trauma counselors, please visit counseling.AgainstScams.org

If you need to speak with someone now, you can dial 988 or find phone numbers for crisis hotlines all around the world here: www.opencounseling.com/suicide-hotlines

A Question of Trust

At the SCARS Institute, we invite you to do your own research on the topics we speak about and publish. Our team investigates the subject being discussed, especially when it comes to understanding the scam victims-survivors’ experience. You can do Google searches but in many cases, you will have to wade through scientific papers and studies. However, remember that biases and perspectives matter and influence the outcome. Regardless, we encourage you to explore these topics as thoroughly as you can for your own awareness.

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Important Information for New Scam Victims

If you are looking for local trauma counselors please visit counseling.AgainstScams.org or join SCARS for our counseling/therapy benefit: membership.AgainstScams.org

If you need to speak with someone now, you can dial 988 or find phone numbers for crisis hotlines all around the world here: www.opencounseling.com/suicide-hotlines

SCARS Resources:

A Note About Labeling!

We often use the term ‘scam victim’ in our articles, but this is a convenience to help those searching for information in search engines like Google. It is just a convenience and has no deeper meaning. If you have come through such an experience, YOU are a Survivor! It was not your fault. You are not alone! Axios!

Psychology Disclaimer:

All articles about psychology and the human brain on this website are for information & education only

The information provided in this and other SCARS articles are intended for educational and self-help purposes only and should not be construed as a substitute for professional therapy or counseling.

Note about Mindfulness: Mindfulness practices have the potential to create psychological distress for some individuals. Please consult a mental health professional or experienced meditation instructor for guidance should you encounter difficulties.

While any self-help techniques outlined herein may be beneficial for scam victims seeking to recover from their experience and move towards recovery, it is important to consult with a qualified mental health professional before initiating any course of action. Each individual’s experience and needs are unique, and what works for one person may not be suitable for another.

Additionally, any approach may not be appropriate for individuals with certain pre-existing mental health conditions or trauma histories. It is advisable to seek guidance from a licensed therapist or counselor who can provide personalized support, guidance, and treatment tailored to your specific needs.

If you are experiencing significant distress or emotional difficulties related to a scam or other traumatic event, please consult your doctor or mental health provider for appropriate care and support.

If you are in crisis, feeling desperate, or in despair please call 988 or your local crisis hotline.

Statement About Victim Blaming

Some of our articles discuss various aspects of victims. This is both about better understanding victims (the science of victimology) and their behaviors and psychology. This helps us to educate victims/survivors about why these crimes happened and to not blame themselves, better develop recovery programs, and to help victims avoid scams in the future. At times this may sound like blaming the victim, but it does not blame scam victims, we are simply explaining the hows and whys of the experience victims have.

These articles, about the Psychology of Scams or Victim Psychology – meaning that all humans have psychological or cognitive characteristics in common that can either be exploited or work against us – help us all to understand the unique challenges victims face before, during, and after scams, fraud, or cybercrimes. These sometimes talk about some of the vulnerabilities the scammers exploit. Victims rarely have control of them or are even aware of them, until something like a scam happens and then they can learn how their mind works and how to overcome these mechanisms.

Articles like these help victims and others understand these processes and how to help prevent them from being exploited again or to help them recover more easily by understanding their post-scam behaviors. Learn more about the Psychology of Scams at www.ScamPsychology.org