Remember

  • It was not your fault!
  • You are a survivor!
  • You are stronger than you know!
  • You are not alone!
  • Axios! You are worthy!
  • Vera! It’s all true!

To get help, please visit ScamVictimsSupport.org and sign up for the SCARS Institute Support & Recovery Program at support.AgainstScams.org

My Scam Story #50

A Romance Scam Victim/Survivor’s Story

Survivor’s Origin: UK

This is the original victim’s story, enhanced by the SCARS Institute Editorial Team to improve comprehension, readability, and continuity.

ADVERTENCIA: LA HISTORIA DE ESTA VÍCTIMA/SOBREVIVIENTE DE ESTAFA PUEDE SER INSENSIBLE PARA ALGUNAS PERSONAS. SE RECOMIENDA DISCRECIÓN.

Si necesita ayuda, únase a nuestro Programa gratuito de Apoyo y Recuperación del Instituto SCARS en support.AgainstScams.org

My Scam Story

I never imagined that my search for companionship would lead me into a web of deception that would not only break my heart but also leave me financially devastated. This is the story of how an online romance scam turned my life upside down.

After my divorce, I found myself navigating the challenges of single life. The evenings were particularly lonely, and I yearned for someone to share my thoughts and feelings with. Encouraged by friends, I decided to explore the world of online dating. It was a new frontier for me, filled with both excitement and apprehension.

One evening, as I browsed through profiles, a message popped up from a man named Mark. His profile picture showcased a warm smile, and his words were kind and engaging. He introduced himself as a businessman from London who frequently traveled for work. Our initial conversations were light-hearted, discussing favorite books, movies, and life experiences. There was an immediate connection, and I felt a spark that had been missing for a long time.

As days turned into weeks, our communication became more frequent and intimate. Mark shared stories of his childhood, his aspirations, and the challenges he faced in his business ventures. He spoke of his late wife and how he had been hesitant to open his heart again until he met me. His vulnerability touched me deeply, and I found myself sharing my own fears and dreams with him.

Our relationship blossomed. We exchanged photos, had long phone conversations, and even made plans to meet in person. Mark’s attention and affection made me feel cherished and valued. For the first time in years, I felt hopeful about the future.

One evening, during one of our regular calls, Mark sounded distressed. He explained that he was on a business trip in Nigeria and had encountered an unexpected financial hurdle. His bank accounts were temporarily frozen due to international banking regulations, and he was unable to access funds to complete a crucial business deal. He assured me that it was a temporary setback and that he would repay me as soon as his accounts were reinstated.

He hesitated before asking, “Jane, I hate to put you in this position, but could you lend me £5,000 to help me through this? I promise to pay you back as soon as possible.”

I was taken aback but also wanted to support the man who had brought joy back into my life. After some contemplation, I agreed to help. I wired the money to the account details he provided, believing that I was assisting my partner in a moment of need.

After the initial transfer, Mark’s financial troubles seemed to escalate. There were issues with customs, legal fees, and unforeseen taxes. Each time, he reached out to me, his voice filled with desperation and embarrassment. He hated asking for help but had no one else to turn to.

I was torn. On one hand, I trusted Mark and wanted to support him. On the other, the continuous requests for money began to raise red flags. But each time doubt crept in, he would reassure me with sweet words and promises of a future together. I convinced myself that these were just temporary obstacles and that once resolved, we could finally be together without any hindrances.

Over the course of several months, I sent Mark a total of £15,000. It was a significant portion of my savings, but I believed in our relationship and the promises he made.

Our plans to meet in person were always postponed due to one reason or another. There was always a business emergency, a health scare, or travel restrictions. My friends began expressing concerns, suggesting that I might be the victim of a scam. I defended Mark vehemently, trusting in the bond we had built.

However, the seed of doubt had been planted. One evening, I decided to do a reverse image search of the photos Mark had sent me. My heart sank as I discovered that the images were of a model from a completely different country. Panic set in, and I delved deeper, finding more inconsistencies in the stories he had told me.

Confronting Mark was heartbreaking. He denied the allegations, became defensive, and eventually ceased all communication. I was left devastated, not just by the financial loss but by the emotional betrayal.

The aftermath was challenging. I felt a deep sense of shame and guilt for allowing myself to be deceived. Nights were sleepless, filled with replaying every conversation, wondering how I missed the signs. I withdrew from social circles, embarrassed to share my experience.

Seeking solace, I joined a support group for victims of online scams. Hearing others’ stories made me realize that I wasn’t alone. Many had fallen victim to similar schemes, each story echoing the same themes of deception and heartbreak. Sharing our experiences became a source of healing.

Through therapy and the support of loved ones, I began to rebuild my life. I became more cautious, not just in online interactions but in all aspects of trust. The experience, though painful, taught me valuable lessons about vulnerability, trust, and the importance of listening to one’s intuition.

To anyone venturing into the realm of online relationships, I urge caution. While the digital age offers wonderful opportunities to connect, it also harbors individuals who prey on the unsuspecting. Always verify the identity of those you communicate with, be wary of unsolicited financial requests, and trust your instincts. If something feels off, it likely is.

My journey was a painful one, but it has made me stronger and more aware. I share my story not for sympathy but as a cautionary tale, hoping to prevent others from experiencing the heartache I endured.

SCARS Institute Notes:

-/ 30 /-

Thank You to this Scam Survivor for Their Story!
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PLEASE NOTE: The SCARS Institute displays this story to help recent scam victims. We are authorized to display this story and in this form or edition is copyright © Society of Citizens Against Relationship Scams Inc. All rights reserved. The specific survivor’s identity has been anonymized for their protection. Photos are generated and are not of the real person.

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Important Information for New Scam Victims

If you are looking for local trauma counselors, please visit counseling.AgainstScams.org

If you need to speak with someone now, you can dial 988 or find phone numbers for crisis hotlines all around the world here: www.opencounseling.com/suicide-hotlines

A Question of Trust

At the SCARS Institute, we invite you to do your own research on the topics we speak about and publish. Our team investigates the subject being discussed, especially when it comes to understanding the scam victims-survivors’ experience. You can do Google searches but in many cases, you will have to wade through scientific papers and studies. However, remember that biases and perspectives matter and influence the outcome. Regardless, we encourage you to explore these topics as thoroughly as you can for your own awareness.

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Important Information for New Scam Victims

If you are looking for local trauma counselors please visit counseling.AgainstScams.org or join SCARS for our counseling/therapy benefit: membership.AgainstScams.org

If you need to speak with someone now, you can dial 988 or find phone numbers for crisis hotlines all around the world here: www.opencounseling.com/suicide-hotlines

SCARS Resources:

A Note About Labeling!

We often use the term ‘scam victim’ in our articles, but this is a convenience to help those searching for information in search engines like Google. It is just a convenience and has no deeper meaning. If you have come through such an experience, YOU are a Survivor! It was not your fault. You are not alone! Axios!

Psychology Disclaimer:

All articles about psychology and the human brain on this website are for information & education only

The information provided in this and other SCARS articles are intended for educational and self-help purposes only and should not be construed as a substitute for professional therapy or counseling.

Note about Mindfulness: Mindfulness practices have the potential to create psychological distress for some individuals. Please consult a mental health professional or experienced meditation instructor for guidance should you encounter difficulties.

While any self-help techniques outlined herein may be beneficial for scam victims seeking to recover from their experience and move towards recovery, it is important to consult with a qualified mental health professional before initiating any course of action. Each individual’s experience and needs are unique, and what works for one person may not be suitable for another.

Additionally, any approach may not be appropriate for individuals with certain pre-existing mental health conditions or trauma histories. It is advisable to seek guidance from a licensed therapist or counselor who can provide personalized support, guidance, and treatment tailored to your specific needs.

If you are experiencing significant distress or emotional difficulties related to a scam or other traumatic event, please consult your doctor or mental health provider for appropriate care and support.

If you are in crisis, feeling desperate, or in despair please call 988 or your local crisis hotline.

Statement About Victim Blaming

Some of our articles discuss various aspects of victims. This is both about better understanding victims (the science of victimology) and their behaviors and psychology. This helps us to educate victims/survivors about why these crimes happened and to not blame themselves, better develop recovery programs, and to help victims avoid scams in the future. At times this may sound like blaming the victim, but it does not blame scam victims, we are simply explaining the hows and whys of the experience victims have.

These articles, about the Psychology of Scams or Victim Psychology – meaning that all humans have psychological or cognitive characteristics in common that can either be exploited or work against us – help us all to understand the unique challenges victims face before, during, and after scams, fraud, or cybercrimes. These sometimes talk about some of the vulnerabilities the scammers exploit. Victims rarely have control of them or are even aware of them, until something like a scam happens and then they can learn how their mind works and how to overcome these mechanisms.

Articles like these help victims and others understand these processes and how to help prevent them from being exploited again or to help them recover more easily by understanding their post-scam behaviors. Learn more about the Psychology of Scams at www.ScamPsychology.org