Survivors Remember
- It was not your fault!
- You are a survivor!
- You are stronger than you know!
- You are not alone!
- Axios! You are worthy!
- Vera! It’s all true!
To get help, please visit ScamVictimsSupport.org and sign up for the SCARS Institute Support & Recovery Program at support.AgainstScams.org
My Scam Story #60
Romance Scam Victim/Survivor’s Story
Survivor’s Origin: UK
This is the original victim’s story, enhanced by the SCARS Institute Editorial Team to improve comprehension, readability, and continuity. The names were changed to protect the survivor’s identity.
WARNING: THIS SCAM VICTIM/SURVIVOR’S STORY MAY BE TRIGGERING TO SOME PEOPLE. DISCRETION IS ADVISED.
ADVERTENCIA: LA HISTORIA DE ESTA VÍCTIMA/SOBREVIVIENTE DE ESTAFA PUEDE SER INSENSIBLE PARA ALGUNAS PERSONAS. SE RECOMIENDA DISCRECIÓN.
If you need help, join our free SCARS Institute Support and Recovery Program at support.AgainstScams.org
Si necesita ayuda, únase a nuestro Programa gratuito de Apoyo y Recuperación del Instituto SCARS en support.AgainstScams.org
My Scam Story
I’m 55, a retired factory worker from Ipswich, UK, and I never thought I’d be the one to lose £85,000 to a scam. I’ve always been cautious, keeping my savings safe for my daughter’s future and my own retirement. But in 2022, I fell for a romance scam that drained my accounts and left me shattered. I’m sharing this to warn others, hoping no one else goes through this pain.
It started on a dating site. I’d been single for years, focusing on work and my daughter, but after retiring, I felt ready to connect with someone. I joined a reputable platform and soon matched with a woman I’ll call Sarah. Her profile said she was a 48-year-old nurse from Kenya, living in London. Her photos showed a warm smile, and her messages were kind, thoughtful, and well-written. We clicked instantly, chatting about life, family, and our hopes for the future. She seemed genuine, sharing stories about her work and her love for cooking. I felt a spark I hadn’t felt in years.
After a few weeks of messaging, we moved to WhatsApp. Sarah said she preferred it for privacy, which made sense to me. Our conversations deepened—she’d send voice notes with a soft accent, talking about her day or asking about mine. She never pushed for anything, which made me trust her more. She said she was planning to move back to Kenya to start a healthcare project for her community, a dream that resonated with me. I admired her passion.
About two months in, Sarah started mentioning small financial struggles. She said her hospital job in London was underpaid, and she was saving for her project. I offered to help, but she declined, saying she’d manage. That made me trust her even more—she wasn’t asking for handouts. Then, one day, she called in tears, saying her mother had fallen ill in Kenya and needed emergency surgery. She didn’t have enough for the hospital bill. My heart went out to her. I sent £2,000 through a bank transfer, thinking I was helping someone I cared about. She was so grateful, promising to repay me once she got paid.
That was the start. Over the next year, the requests kept coming, each one tied to a new crisis. Her mother’s recovery needed ongoing care—£5,000. Her project’s funding fell through, and she needed £10,000 to secure a grant. A car accident left her with medical bills—£7,000. Each time, she’d send photos or documents to back up her story: hospital receipts, a grant application, even a picture of her bandaged arm after the supposed crash. I’d check them, and they looked real. She’d call me crying, saying I was her rock, that she’d pay me back once her project launched. I believed her, not just because of the evidence but because I’d grown to love her. We talked about meeting in person, maybe even building a life together.
I was sending money from my savings with two banks in Ipswich. The tellers started asking questions about the large transfers, especially when I sent £20,000 for her “project equipment.” I told them it was for a friend’s business, sticking to Sarah’s advice not to mention our relationship. She’d warned me that banks might flag international transfers as suspicious, which could delay her project. I trusted her over the bank’s concerns.
By mid-2023, I’d sent £85,000. My daughter noticed I was stressed and asked what was wrong. I brushed it off, too embarrassed to admit I was sending money to someone I’d never met. But doubts were creeping in. Sarah’s stories started feeling repetitive, and she’d dodge questions about meeting up. She’d say she was too busy with her project or her mother’s health. I asked for a video call, but she always had an excuse—bad internet, a broken camera. I should’ve stopped then, but I kept thinking, “What if she’s telling the truth? What if I abandon her when she needs me?”
The breaking point came when she asked for £15,000 to “finalize” her project. I didn’t have it—my savings were nearly gone. I told her I couldn’t help anymore. She got upset, saying I didn’t trust her, that she’d lose everything without the money. For the first time, I pushed back, asking for proof the project was real. She sent a blurry document and stopped replying for days. I tried calling, but her number was off. I checked the dating site—her profile was gone. My stomach dropped. I’d been played.
I confided in my daughter, who was heartbroken for me but firm: I’d been scammed. We contacted the banks, but the money was gone, sent to accounts in Kenya that couldn’t be traced. I felt like a fool. I’d spent my career working hard, saving every penny, only to lose it to someone who didn’t exist. The shame was crushing—I couldn’t face my friends, couldn’t even tell my mates at the pub. I kept picturing Sarah’s face, her voice, wondering how I’d fallen so hard for a lie.
Looking back, there were signs. The excuses about meeting, the constant emergencies, the way she’d steer conversations away from specifics about her life. But she was so convincing, blending just enough truth with her lies. She knew how to make me feel needed, loved, like I was saving her. I learned later that scammers often use stolen photos and fake documents, building entire personas to trick people like me. I wasn’t the only one, but that doesn’t ease the pain.
Losing £85,000 has upended my life. I’d planned to help my daughter buy a house, maybe travel a bit. Now I’m living on my pension, cutting corners to get by. The worst part is the trust I’ve lost—not just in others, but in myself. I’m wary of every email, every call, second-guessing my own judgment. My daughter checks my accounts now, and I’ve sworn off online dating. I’m trying to rebuild, but it’s slow.
I’m sharing this because I don’t want anyone else to feel this betrayal. If someone online asks for money, no matter how real they seem, don’t send it. Ask for video calls, meet in person, verify their story. If they push you to keep it secret or rush you into sending cash, it’s a scam. I wish I’d known that sooner. I’m picking up the pieces, but I’ll carry this lesson forever.
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PLEASE NOTE:
In the case of Scam Survivor’s Stories: The SCARS Institute displays this story to help recent scam victims. We are authorized to display this story and in this form or edition is copyright © Society of Citizens Against Relationship Scams Inc. All rights reserved. The specific survivor’s identity has been anonymized for their protection. Photos are generated and are not of the real person.
In the case of the Criminal’s Stories: The SCARS Institute presents the Criminal Stories to assist scam victims in understanding that criminals are real individuals, despite their terrible actions, and we can gain valuable insights from their experiences to prevent crime and identify these schemes as they emerge. We aim to support victims and survivors in releasing the emotions they harbor toward the criminals, fostering a path toward potential forgiveness over time.
Important Information for New Scam Victims
- Please visit www.ScamVictimsSupport.org – a SCARS Website for New Scam Victims & Sextortion Victims
- SCARS Institute now offers a free recovery program at www.SCARSeducation.org
- Please visit www.ScamPsychology.org – to more fully understand the psychological concepts involved in scams and scam victim recovery
If you are looking for local trauma counselors, please visit counseling.AgainstScams.org
If you need to speak with someone now, you can dial 988 or find phone numbers for crisis hotlines all around the world here: www.opencounseling.com/suicide-hotlines
A Question of Trust
At the SCARS Institute, we invite you to do your own research on the topics we speak about and publish. Our team investigates the subject being discussed, especially when it comes to understanding the scam victims-survivors’ experience. You can do Google searches but in many cases, you will have to wade through scientific papers and studies. However, remember that biases and perspectives matter and influence the outcome. Regardless, we encourage you to explore these topics as thoroughly as you can for your own awareness.
SCARS Resources:
- Getting Started For New Victims of Relationship Scams: ScamVictimsSupport.org
- FREE enrollment in the SCARS Institute training programs for scam victims SCARSeducation.org
- Subscribe to SCARS Newsletter newsletter.againstscams.org
- Sign up for SCARS professional support & recovery groups, visit support.AgainstScams.org
- Find competent trauma counselors or therapists, visit counseling.AgainstScams.org
- Report each and every crime, learn how to at reporting.AgainstScams.org
- Learn more about Scams & Scammers at RomanceScamsNOW.com and ScamsNOW.com
- Learn more about the Psychology of Scams and Scam Victims: ScamPsychology.org
- For Scam Victims Advocates: www.ScamVictimsAdvocates.org
- Self-Help Books for Scam Victims are at shop.AgainstScams.org
- Worldwide Crisis Hotlines: International Suicide Hotlines – OpenCounseling : OpenCounseling
- Campaign To End Scam Victim Blaming – 2024 (scamsnow.com)
More Survivor Stories
More Criminal Stories
A Note About Labeling!
We often use the term ‘scam victim’ in our articles, but this is a convenience to help those searching for information in search engines like Google. It is just a convenience and has no deeper meaning. If you have come through such an experience, YOU are a Survivor! It was not your fault. You are not alone! Axios!
Statement About Victim Blaming
Some of our articles discuss various aspects of victims. This is both about better understanding victims (the science of victimology) and their behaviors and psychology. This helps us to educate victims/survivors about why these crimes happened and not to blame themselves, better develop recovery programs, and to help victims avoid scams in the future. At times, this may sound like blaming the victim, but it does not blame scam victims; we are simply explaining the hows and whys of the experience victims have.
These articles, about the Psychology of Scams or Victim Psychology – meaning that all humans have psychological or cognitive characteristics in common that can either be exploited or work against us – help us all to understand the unique challenges victims face before, during, and after scams, fraud, or cybercrimes. These sometimes talk about some of the vulnerabilities the scammers exploit. Victims rarely have control of them or are even aware of them, until something like a scam happens, and then they can learn how their mind works and how to overcome these mechanisms.
SCARS Institute articles can help victims and others understand these processes and how to help prevent them from being exploited again or to help them recover more easily by understanding their post-scam behaviors. Learn more about the Psychology of Scams at www.ScamPsychology.org and www.ScamsNOW.com
Psychology Disclaimer:
All articles about psychology and the human brain on SCARS Institute websites are for information & education only
The information provided in SCARS Institute articles is intended for educational and self-help purposes only and should not be construed as a substitute for professional therapy or counseling.
Note about Mindfulness: Mindfulness practices have the potential to create psychological distress for some individuals. Please consult a mental health professional or experienced meditation instructor for guidance should you encounter difficulties.
While any self-help techniques outlined herein may be beneficial for scam victims seeking to recover from their experience and move towards recovery, it is important to consult with a qualified mental health professional before initiating any course of action. Each individual’s experience and needs are unique, and what works for one person may not be suitable for another.
Additionally, any approach may not be appropriate for individuals with certain pre-existing mental health conditions or trauma histories. It is advisable to seek guidance from a licensed therapist or counselor who can provide personalized support, guidance, and treatment tailored to your specific needs.
If you are experiencing significant distress or emotional difficulties related to a scam or other traumatic event, please consult your doctor or mental health provider for appropriate care and support.
If you are in crisis, feeling desperate, or in despair, please call 988 or your local crisis hotline.
I can totally relate. It’s not identical to my scam, but same result!
I am so sad to read about this. This scammer went right for your heart, trust and belief in the good of people.
I truly believe you will heal and your willingness to warn others is also a warning to yourself from which you will heal and grow.
Stay true to who you are. God bless
You will recover, but it takes time and your commitment.
It’s a difficult long road so it’s important to walk it with others you can always count on for help and support. Join a professional support group. Get the help of a trauma therapist if necessary.
As for our ignorance – “if we had known earlier”… we didn’t know, but now the knowledge gained in such a painful way and updated on an ongoing basis, we can – and should! share with others wherever possible.