Survivors Remember
- It was not your fault!
- You are a survivor!
- You are stronger than you know!
- You are not alone!
- Axios! You are worthy!
- Vera! It’s all true!
To get help, please visit ScamVictimsSupport.org and sign up for the SCARS Institute FREE Scam Survivor’s School at www.SCARSeducation.org
My Scam Story #22
A Romance Scam Victim/Survivor’s Story
Survivor’s Origin: USA
This is the original victim’s story, enhanced by the SCARS Institute Editorial Team to improve comprehension, readability, and continuity.
WARNING: THIS SCAM VICTIM/SURVIVOR’S STORY MAY BE TRIGGERING TO SOME PEOPLE. DISCRETION IS ADVISED.
ADVERTENCIA: LA HISTORIA DE ESTA VÍCTIMA/SOBREVIVIENTE DE ESTAFA PUEDE SER INSENSIBLE PARA ALGUNAS PERSONAS. SE RECOMIENDA DISCRECIÓN.
If you need help, join our free SCARS Institute Support and Recovery Program at support.AgainstScams.org
Si necesita ayuda, únase a nuestro Programa gratuito de Apoyo y Recuperación del Instituto SCARS en support.AgainstScams.org
My Scam Story
My story is one that I am sure shares similarities with many others here, and it brings me comfort knowing I am not alone in experiencing this devastating situation. It’s still incredibly fresh, and I find myself writing this with tears in my eyes. Although I trust time will bring healing, the journey toward recovery is just beginning.
It all started in September when I received a direct message on Instagram from a man who would eventually become my scammer. At first, our conversations were casual; he talked about himself and asked about my life and what I did. He explained that he was an engineer contracted with the Marines, stationed in Yemen. After some initial conversations, he suggested moving our chats to Google Hangouts, claiming that he couldn’t continue messaging on Instagram due to limitations.
That night, we switched platforms and continued our interactions there. Our conversations were lighthearted at first, and he shared seemingly personal details about his life, including his future plans. He mentioned that his dream was to open a grocery store, as his father once owned one. He explained that his father, mother, and younger sister had tragically passed away in a car accident when he was only seven years old. He also mentioned that his contract would be ending in January, and he looked forward to a new start.
From September 20th until January 28th, we spoke every single day. He was attentive and charming, regularly asking about my day, family, and personal well-being. He showered me with compliments and encouraged me in my personal health journey. Our relationship quickly grew intimate. We exchanged songs, selfies, and heartfelt messages daily. I began sending videos as my “good morning” messages to him, and he reciprocated with affectionate responses. Over time, he convinced me that he loved me, and I fell deeply for him.
At the time, I was married for 23 years but had been feeling deeply unhappy and disconnected from my marriage. This emotional void made me vulnerable and made falling for his emotional manipulation easy.
The situation escalated when he shared a story about receiving payment for “side missions” in Yemen, saying he was paid in gold and jewels. Looking back, this should have raised red flags immediately, but I trusted him completely. He explained that he needed help shipping these valuables out of the country to avoid theft. Naively, I agreed to have them shipped to me.
Shortly after, I was contacted by a shipping company once the “package” reached Mexico. They demanded I pay $25,000 in customs fees to allow it to continue its journey to the United States. Panicked, I contacted him, and he gave me an emotional story about having no access to his funds due to his circumstances and pleaded with me to help, assuring me the contents would more than repay me. I secured a loan and paid the amount.
The situation worsened when the “package” arrived in Los Angeles. I received another demand, stating that Border Patrol had seized it, requiring further payments. Again, I took another loan to meet these demands. By the end of these transactions, I had paid over $50,000.
After these enormous expenses, I refused to send more money. Two weeks passed, and he devised a new story—this time claiming he needed money for better food and resources to help children at their camp. When I refused again, he grew increasingly angry and distant.
Around this time, my husband discovered the substantial transfers and confronted me. I came clean about everything, and he immediately began investigating, quickly confirming that I had been scammed. At first, I didn’t want to believe it. Confronting my scammer, he continued with excuses, and I clung desperately to the hope that there was a misunderstanding. Nevertheless, I filed reports with the IC3 and FTC on December 18th.
Despite my reports, I continued talking with him, holding onto false hope. However, reality eventually became undeniable, and on January 28th, I cut all ties, blocking him entirely from social media and messaging platforms.
The emotional toll has been profound. I’m gutted, embarrassed, heartbroken, and deeply depressed. Accepting that I was a victim of such a manipulative and calculated scam is challenging. Currently, my husband and I are in counseling, attempting to heal and recover. Initially, I hesitated to mention the scammer in counseling, but my husband courageously brought it up during our first session.
So far, I’ve only shared this painful story with my counselor, husband, and through official reports—now, with you all as well. Thank you for reading my story. I appreciate any support, and I am eager to learn from others here in the SCARS community as I start my journey toward healing.
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PLEASE NOTE:
In the case of Scam Survivor’s Stories: The SCARS Institute displays this story to help recent scam victims. We are authorized to display this story and in this form or edition is copyright © Society of Citizens Against Relationship Scams Inc. All rights reserved. The specific survivor’s identity has been anonymized for their protection. Photos are generated and are not of the real person.
In the case of the Criminal’s Stories: The SCARS Institute presents the Criminal Stories to assist scam victims in understanding that criminals are real individuals, despite their terrible actions, and we can gain valuable insights from their experiences to prevent crime and identify these schemes as they emerge. We aim to support victims and survivors in releasing the emotions they harbor toward the criminals, fostering a path toward potential forgiveness over time.
Important Information for New Scam Victims
- Please visit www.ScamVictimsSupport.org – a SCARS Website for New Scam Victims & Sextortion Victims
- SCARS Institute now offers a free recovery program at www.SCARSeducation.org
- Please visit www.ScamPsychology.org – to more fully understand the psychological concepts involved in scams and scam victim recovery
If you are looking for local trauma counselors, please visit counseling.AgainstScams.org
If you need to speak with someone now, you can dial 988 or find phone numbers for crisis hotlines all around the world here: www.opencounseling.com/suicide-hotlines
A Question of Trust
At the SCARS Institute, we invite you to do your own research on the topics we speak about and publish. Our team investigates the subject being discussed, especially when it comes to understanding the scam victims-survivors’ experience. You can do Google searches but in many cases, you will have to wade through scientific papers and studies. However, remember that biases and perspectives matter and influence the outcome. Regardless, we encourage you to explore these topics as thoroughly as you can for your own awareness.
SCARS Resources:
- Getting Started For New Victims of Relationship Scams: ScamVictimsSupport.org
- FREE enrollment in the SCARS Institute training programs for scam victims SCARSeducation.org
- Subscribe to SCARS Newsletter newsletter.againstscams.org
- Sign up for SCARS professional support & recovery groups, visit support.AgainstScams.org
- Find competent trauma counselors or therapists, visit counseling.AgainstScams.org
- Report each and every crime, learn how to at reporting.AgainstScams.org
- Learn more about Scams & Scammers at RomanceScamsNOW.com and ScamsNOW.com
- Learn more about the Psychology of Scams and Scam Victims: ScamPsychology.org
- For Scam Victims Advocates: www.ScamVictimsAdvocates.org
- Self-Help Books for Scam Victims are at shop.AgainstScams.org
- Worldwide Crisis Hotlines: International Suicide Hotlines – OpenCounseling : OpenCounseling
- Campaign To End Scam Victim Blaming – 2024 (scamsnow.com)
More Survivor Stories
More Criminal Stories
A Note About Labeling!
We often use the term ‘scam victim’ in our articles, but this is a convenience to help those searching for information in search engines like Google. It is just a convenience and has no deeper meaning. If you have come through such an experience, YOU are a Survivor! It was not your fault. You are not alone! Axios!
Statement About Victim Blaming
Some of our articles discuss various aspects of victims. This is both about better understanding victims (the science of victimology) and their behaviors and psychology. This helps us to educate victims/survivors about why these crimes happened and not to blame themselves, better develop recovery programs, and to help victims avoid scams in the future. At times, this may sound like blaming the victim, but it does not blame scam victims; we are simply explaining the hows and whys of the experience victims have.
These articles, about the Psychology of Scams or Victim Psychology – meaning that all humans have psychological or cognitive characteristics in common that can either be exploited or work against us – help us all to understand the unique challenges victims face before, during, and after scams, fraud, or cybercrimes. These sometimes talk about some of the vulnerabilities the scammers exploit. Victims rarely have control of them or are even aware of them, until something like a scam happens, and then they can learn how their mind works and how to overcome these mechanisms.
SCARS Institute articles can help victims and others understand these processes and how to help prevent them from being exploited again or to help them recover more easily by understanding their post-scam behaviors. Learn more about the Psychology of Scams at www.ScamPsychology.org and www.ScamsNOW.com
Psychology Disclaimer:
All articles about psychology and the human brain on SCARS Institute websites are for information & education only
The information provided in SCARS Institute articles is intended for educational and self-help purposes only and should not be construed as a substitute for professional therapy or counseling.
Note about Mindfulness: Mindfulness practices have the potential to create psychological distress for some individuals. Please consult a mental health professional or experienced meditation instructor for guidance should you encounter difficulties.
While any self-help techniques outlined herein may be beneficial for scam victims seeking to recover from their experience and move towards recovery, it is important to consult with a qualified mental health professional before initiating any course of action. Each individual’s experience and needs are unique, and what works for one person may not be suitable for another.
Additionally, any approach may not be appropriate for individuals with certain pre-existing mental health conditions or trauma histories. It is advisable to seek guidance from a licensed therapist or counselor who can provide personalized support, guidance, and treatment tailored to your specific needs.
If you are experiencing significant distress or emotional difficulties related to a scam or other traumatic event, please consult your doctor or mental health provider for appropriate care and support.
If you are in crisis, feeling desperate, or in despair, please call 988 or your local crisis hotline.
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