Remember
- It was not your fault!
- You are a survivor!
- You are stronger than you know!
- You are not alone!
- Axios! You are worthy!
- Vera! It’s all true!
To get help, please visit ScamVictimsSupport.org and sign up for the SCARS Institute Support & Recovery Program at support.AgainstScams.org
ADVERTENCIA: LA HISTORIA DE ESTA VÍCTIMA/SOBREVIVIENTE DE ESTAFA PUEDE SER INSENSIBLE PARA ALGUNAS PERSONAS. SE RECOMIENDA DISCRECIÓN.
Si necesita ayuda, únase a nuestro Programa gratuito de Apoyo y Recuperación del Instituto SCARS en support.AgainstScams.org
My Scam Story
I want to share my story—actually, my stories—because I’ve been scammed not just once, but multiple times. And while it’s still difficult to talk about, I hope that by writing this, I can help someone else recognize the warning signs before it’s too late.
When the first scam happened, I was in a very vulnerable place. I had just lost my husband of 27 years in September 2020. It was one of the most painful experiences of my life. After decades of marriage, I suddenly found myself alone. The silence in the house was deafening. The grief was heavy. I wasn’t just missing my partner—I was missing the life we built together, the comfort of his presence, the routines we shared, the future we had planned. That kind of loneliness creates an ache that’s hard to put into words. It leaves you wide open in ways you don’t even realize.
The first scam started with a man who called himself Michael G. Anderson. He said he was from Toronto, Canada. He told me he had a daughter who was in college, that he owned his home, and that he worked for a design firm in Toronto. He seemed grounded, professional, and emotionally open. Our conversations started on Facebook Messenger around April 20, 2013. I remember the way he reached out—kind, respectful, easy to talk to. He said he was preparing to leave for Thailand on May 4 to build homes as part of a contract. It all sounded admirable. He told me he admired my strength after losing my husband, and he spoke to me like he truly cared. I thought I was just talking to a good man with a kind heart.
But, of course, it wasn’t real.
Over time, he started asking for money. At first, it was small amounts—plausible things related to travel, construction delays, issues with banking overseas. It escalated gradually, and by the time I realized what was really happening, I had sent him a total of $12,555. The police got involved. I filed a report and gave them everything I had—messages, receipts, names. But they were honest with me. They told me I would never see that money again.
They were right.
I was devastated. The financial loss was painful, but the emotional damage cut even deeper. I felt ashamed. Foolish. Angry at myself for believing in someone who didn’t exist. But I was still vulnerable, still craving connection and affection. That made me a perfect target for the next scam.
This time, it was someone claiming to be Lieutenant General Daniel P. Bolger of the U.S. Army, stationed in Kabul, Afghanistan. It started as a friendship—polite conversation, little bits of personal detail shared back and forth. But like the first time, it slowly turned into something more. A romance. He said all the right things. He was supportive, attentive, and persistent. He made me feel special again.
I believed he was the real person, the real general. I had no reason to question it at first. He used real photos. He had military jargon that sounded authentic. And he always had an explanation for why he couldn’t video call or send a voice message. The love he professed felt so genuine, so convincing, that I once again found myself emotionally invested in someone who was lying to me.
Over the course of three years, I sent him more than $18,000. I even sold two cars to send him money. The emotional connection was powerful, and I truly believed that when his deployment was over, we would finally be together.
But reality came crashing in again.
Eventually, I made contact with the real Daniel P. Bolger. That was the moment everything shattered. I realized I had spent years of my life devoted to a complete lie. My heart was broken all over again—but this time, there was also a deep, gnawing disbelief that I could fall for the same type of deception twice.
Then, something strange and healing happened.
I was contacted through Facebook Messenger by a woman in Texas. She had also been scammed—by someone claiming to be the same LTG Daniel P. Bolger. She had lost $10,000 to the same lie. It was a bizarre coincidence, but also a turning point. She and I became friends in 2014, and we’ve remained close ever since. Through her, I met more women with similar stories. We started talking, sharing, laughing, crying. We created a kind of support system—a place where we could be honest about what happened without shame. We held each other up.
There were more scam attempts after that, but by then, I had learned enough to recognize the patterns. Whenever someone new reached out and the conversation began to turn toward money, I stopped it immediately. I would say, “I don’t have money to help you,” and then I would block and delete them. No more explanations. No more hesitation. I had learned how to protect myself.
It took me a long time to get here. A long time to stop blaming myself. To stop replaying the messages in my head. To stop asking how I could have been so trusting. I’ve come to understand that loneliness makes us vulnerable in ways we don’t always see. Grief clouds our judgment. And scammers are experts at sensing those cracks and slipping through them. They don’t just steal money. They steal trust, joy, and hope.
But what I’ve also learned is that healing is possible. That community matters. That friendship—especially with people who truly understand what you’ve been through—is a powerful thing.
I still carry the scars of what happened. I still feel the loss. But I’m no longer ashamed. I’m no longer silent. And I’m definitely no longer alone.
If you’ve been scammed, please know this: it wasn’t your fault. You’re not stupid. You’re not weak. You were targeted because you have a heart—and there is nothing wrong with that.
This is my story. And I share it so others know they’re not alone.
SCARS Institute Notes:
-/ 30 /-
Thank You to this Scam Survivor for Their Story!
Please Share YOUR Story Here!
We Will Anonymize Your Story to Help Shield Your Identity!
PLEASE NOTE: The SCARS Institute displays this story to help recent scam victims. We are authorized to display this story and in this form or edition is copyright © Society of Citizens Against Relationship Scams Inc. All rights reserved. The specific survivor’s identity has been anonymized for their protection. Photos are generated and are not of the real person.
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Important Information for New Scam Victims
- Please visit www.ScamVictimsSupport.org – a SCARS Website for New Scam Victims & Sextortion Victims
- SCARS Institute now offers a free recovery program at www.SCARSeducation.org
- Please visit www.ScamPsychology.org – to more fully understand the psychological concepts involved in scams and scam victim recovery
If you are looking for local trauma counselors, please visit counseling.AgainstScams.org
If you need to speak with someone now, you can dial 988 or find phone numbers for crisis hotlines all around the world here: www.opencounseling.com/suicide-hotlines
A Question of Trust
At the SCARS Institute, we invite you to do your own research on the topics we speak about and publish. Our team investigates the subject being discussed, especially when it comes to understanding the scam victims-survivors’ experience. You can do Google searches but in many cases, you will have to wade through scientific papers and studies. However, remember that biases and perspectives matter and influence the outcome. Regardless, we encourage you to explore these topics as thoroughly as you can for your own awareness.
Recent Reader Comments
on My Scam Victim-Survivor Story – 2025 #68 – Romance Scam – USA: “Each of these stories are exactly like mine. They bring up every single emotion inside of me.” Apr 29, 08:08
on My Scam Victim-Survivor Story – 2025 #63 – Romance Scam – Australia: “So helpful. Same story of the crime done to me just different countries.” Apr 29, 07:51
on My Scam Victim-Survivor Story – 2025 #69 – Celebrity Romance Scam – South Korea: “Thank you for telling your story. It was not your fault. You are a survivor and know that you are…” Apr 27, 05:08
on My Scam Victim-Survivor Story – 2025 #68 – Romance Scam – USA: “The sad story of us all.” Apr 26, 19:13
on My Scam Victim-Survivor Story – 2025 #66 – Travel/Holiday/Vacation Scam – UK: “I can completely relate to the shame and distress felt by this person. The feelings of betrayal are overwhelming and…” Apr 25, 18:59
on My Scam Victim-Survivor Story – 2025 #63 – Romance Scam – Australia: “My scam also began with accepting a fiend request on Facebook.My scammer was also a single father, lived in the…” Apr 25, 12:55
on My Scam Victim-Survivor Story – 2025 #60 – Romance Scam – UK: “You will recover, but it takes time and your commitment. It’s a difficult long road so it’s important to walk…” Apr 25, 10:52
on My Scam Victim-Survivor Story – 2025 #63 – Romance Scam – Australia: “I am so sorry you had to experience so much pain. Your story touched me deeply because I share a…” Apr 25, 08:54
on My Scam Victim-Survivor Story – 2025 #56 – A Local Con Job/Fraud/Scam – USA: “Thank you for telling your story. You did the right thing in stopping this person. Don’t blame yourself.” Apr 23, 22:03
on My Scam Victim-Survivor Story – 2025 #62 – Government Impersonation Scam/Banking Scam/Phone Scam: “I feel so bad for this woman. But I totally understand and I truly hope that she is learning and…” Apr 23, 12:17
Important Information for New Scam Victims
- Please visit www.ScamVictimsSupport.org – a SCARS Website for New Scam Victims & Sextortion Victims
- SCARS Institute now offers a free recovery program at www.SCARSeducation.org
- Please visit www.ScamPsychology.org – to more fully understand the psychological concepts involved in scams and scam victim recovery
If you are looking for local trauma counselors please visit counseling.AgainstScams.org or join SCARS for our counseling/therapy benefit: membership.AgainstScams.org
If you need to speak with someone now, you can dial 988 or find phone numbers for crisis hotlines all around the world here: www.opencounseling.com/suicide-hotlines
SCARS Resources:
- Getting Started For New Victims of Relationship Scams: ScamVictimsSupport.org
- FREE enrollment in the SCARS Institute training programs for scam victims SCARSeducation.org
- Subscribe to SCARS Newsletter newsletter.againstscams.org
- Sign up for SCARS professional support & recovery groups, visit support.AgainstScams.org
- Find competent trauma counselors or therapists, visit counseling.AgainstScams.org
- Report each and every crime, learn how to at reporting.AgainstScams.org
- Learn more about Scams & Scammers at RomanceScamsNOW.com and ScamsNOW.com
- Learn more about the Psychology of Scams and Scam Victims: ScamPsychology.org
- For Scam Victims Advocates: www.ScamVictimsAdvocates.org
- Self-Help Books for Scam Victims are at shop.AgainstScams.org
- Worldwide Crisis Hotlines: International Suicide Hotlines – OpenCounseling : OpenCounseling
- Campaign To End Scam Victim Blaming – 2024 (scamsnow.com)
A Note About Labeling!
We often use the term ‘scam victim’ in our articles, but this is a convenience to help those searching for information in search engines like Google. It is just a convenience and has no deeper meaning. If you have come through such an experience, YOU are a Survivor! It was not your fault. You are not alone! Axios!
Psychology Disclaimer:
All articles about psychology and the human brain on this website are for information & education only
The information provided in this and other SCARS articles are intended for educational and self-help purposes only and should not be construed as a substitute for professional therapy or counseling.
Note about Mindfulness: Mindfulness practices have the potential to create psychological distress for some individuals. Please consult a mental health professional or experienced meditation instructor for guidance should you encounter difficulties.
While any self-help techniques outlined herein may be beneficial for scam victims seeking to recover from their experience and move towards recovery, it is important to consult with a qualified mental health professional before initiating any course of action. Each individual’s experience and needs are unique, and what works for one person may not be suitable for another.
Additionally, any approach may not be appropriate for individuals with certain pre-existing mental health conditions or trauma histories. It is advisable to seek guidance from a licensed therapist or counselor who can provide personalized support, guidance, and treatment tailored to your specific needs.
If you are experiencing significant distress or emotional difficulties related to a scam or other traumatic event, please consult your doctor or mental health provider for appropriate care and support.
If you are in crisis, feeling desperate, or in despair please call 988 or your local crisis hotline.
Statement About Victim Blaming
Some of our articles discuss various aspects of victims. This is both about better understanding victims (the science of victimology) and their behaviors and psychology. This helps us to educate victims/survivors about why these crimes happened and to not blame themselves, better develop recovery programs, and to help victims avoid scams in the future. At times this may sound like blaming the victim, but it does not blame scam victims, we are simply explaining the hows and whys of the experience victims have.
These articles, about the Psychology of Scams or Victim Psychology – meaning that all humans have psychological or cognitive characteristics in common that can either be exploited or work against us – help us all to understand the unique challenges victims face before, during, and after scams, fraud, or cybercrimes. These sometimes talk about some of the vulnerabilities the scammers exploit. Victims rarely have control of them or are even aware of them, until something like a scam happens and then they can learn how their mind works and how to overcome these mechanisms.
Articles like these help victims and others understand these processes and how to help prevent them from being exploited again or to help them recover more easily by understanding their post-scam behaviors. Learn more about the Psychology of Scams at www.ScamPsychology.org
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