Short Victim’s Stories

Our culture does a poor job preparing children for the realities they will face once they enter the world as adults. Teaching that “everyone wins” and “everyone gets a trophy” may soothe temporary disappointments, but it fails to equip young minds for real-life emotional challenges. In doing so, we strip away essential opportunities for resilience, emotional literacy, and personal growth. When discomfort is avoided rather than explored, children learn that emotional pain is something to fear or hide—not something to understand. This avoidance can lead to internalized shame, emotional suppression, and in extreme cases, self-destructive behavior. We also diminish curiosity—an innate drive that encourages independence and growth—and then wonder why so many young adults remain emotionally dependent on their families.

One of the most powerful tools we can teach our children is the art of inquiry. Asking why—especially when paired with what, how, or where—stimulates both emotional and intellectual growth. And perhaps the first terrain to explore with those questions should be our emotions. Questions like “Why do I feel this way?” or “How does this emotion affect me?” guide us toward deeper understanding. Emotional insight is not just therapeutic—it’s essential for healing, resilience, and recovery.

This is especially true after experiencing a personal trauma like a scam. Victims often face a flood of emotional questions: What did I do? How could this happen to me? How am I going to survive? How do I explain this to my family? These are deeply human responses, but our culture’s obsession with blame often distorts them. We are taught that someone must be at fault, and in the absence of clear answers, we blame ourselves. But the truth is simple and liberating: you are not to blame. The crime was committed against you, without your knowledge or consent. Blaming yourself only strengthens the power of the criminal. It is like unlocking the jail door and letting them walk free. Healing begins when we reclaim the narrative and honor our emotions, not suppress them.

I can see that I’m on the path toward healthier, more positive coping in the aftermath of the crime I experienced. It hasn’t been easy, and while I’ve made significant progress, I also recognize that a few negative coping patterns still linger. They’re not overwhelming, but they’re there, quietly influencing how I respond to the world around me. One of the more persistent challenges has been social avoidance, which is less about fear and more about self-protection. I live in a rural, close-knit community where many families are interrelated and deeply entrenched in long-standing social norms. Despite the visible struggles in this area—domestic violence, substance abuse, gambling—there’s little empathy or understanding when it comes to cybercrime, especially scams. The dominant narrative here is one of personal failure: that a victim should have “known better” or “gotten out sooner.” There’s a deep undercurrent of shaming that leaves little room for honesty or healing.

Because of this, I choose not to talk about the scam with people around me. I’ve lived in this community for about three years, and most still don’t know me well. I tried twice to speak openly about my experience, and both times it ended in judgment. So now, I remain quiet publicly, but privately I have found safe places to speak. I’m fortunate to have a trauma therapist who offers understanding and insight without shame, and I meet with her twice weekly. My husband is the only family member who knows, and his support has been unwavering. In fact, we’ve grown closer in these last months, and his compassion has become a powerful source of strength for me.

Beyond therapy, I keep myself grounded. I stay active with regular exercise, I work part-time, and I explore artistic outlets that bring me a sense of peace. I also participate in the SCARS support group every Wednesday, which has become a vital anchor in my recovery. The people there truly understand. They listen without judgment, and that alone has been healing. Slowly, with the right support, I’m rebuilding my life—not back to what it was, but into something more self-aware, stable, and resilient.

I always thought that setting my thoughts and feelings aside so that I could function at work was just a helpful tool to be able to function. Now I see that I was compartmentalizing. To be fair though I was often told from the time I was 7 or 8 that I was very selfish and that I needed to set aside selfish thoughts. Since I had trouble understanding selfishness I found this exercise hard to complete. The only way I found to help me was to believe all my thoughts needed to be put away. This of course didn’t work either because those thoughts and feelings of being misunderstood would come out and haunt me. When I became a young mother in an abusive marriage I was forced to set aside my emotions and thoughts so that I could concentrate on having dinner on the table at a certain time (not one minute before or after), taking care of my child, and doing household tasks and making sure the husband was taken care of to his standard meant I learned how to put myself last for self care, or even thinking about what I was experiencing. This led to negative thoughts. Yes, I can see I have been compartmentalizing both mentally and emotionally. I had to for survival.

After my crime, I decided I had to be educated. But I felt fear, anxiety, shame, guilt, shock, betrayal, disbelief, there was so much. My goal was to learn, to be informed, to protect myself because I’m not getting any younger. Artificial Intelligence being now a part of scams makes everything more risky and frightening. I don’t want to be afraid but I know that I have to feel it and examine it and learn to deal with it before I can move forward.

It is understandable that you may feel afraid or insecure about joining a support group.
The reality is that support groups are designed to be safe and confidential spaces. Most members have experienced similar challenges and understand the vulnerability that comes with sharing.

Seeking help is a sign of strength, not weakness. Support groups can help normalize experiences and reduce feelings of isolation.
Sharing and knowing the stories of other people who have gone through the same thing is beneficial to improve confidence and not feel alone
We know that the fear of reliving trauma could be a reason for hesitation about the possibility of talking about what they experienced, but the
truth of professionally facilitated support groups are designed to handle difficult conversations safely and respectfully.
can be assured that they can share at their own pace and that there is no pressure to reveal details that they are not comfortable with, participating in a support group can help them regain control by providing tools and strategies to manage challenges.
since autonomy and empowerment are encouraged, not dependency, hatred or revenge

There are also other benefits to joining and participating in support groups, such as reducing isolation, increasing emotional support, and developing coping skills.

To join a SCARS Institute support & recovery group go to support.AgainstScams.org

My crime has set my world spinning! I was not searching for a love relationship. I am married and have been for nearly 28 years and I love my husband. What I experienced in the crime was overwhelming emotion. Soon I could not wait for the criminal to contact me each day. While I never once thought about divorcing my husband (yes, very strange I understand) the criminal spoke often and lovingly of us both leaving our current relationships and starting a new life together. While this made me feel uncomfortable, I did not question it. I miss that conversation intensely. The criminal used words and phrases that I’ve been struggling to let my husband know that I’ve found I need. It was exciting to feel these emotions, and in many cases gratifying as I’ve never considered myself to be beautiful or desirable. These are not words that my husband uses in our relationship. There is now a void as these conversations would happen throughout the day suddenly popping into my phone with reminders of how much I was needed and how much I was loved. The phone notifications are now silent. I struggle to find something to do and many things I should do are left undone. I see my age, I see the emptiness left by family members who seem to not want to spend time with us since we moved, I see how our culture does not value the elderly or seek their wisdom. In our culture I feel like a useless cog; I’m retired, I’m old and my years are numbered. In other cultures the elderly are sought out, included and valued especially to impart wisdom to the children and young adults. The elderly are not left to wither and die in nursing homes or assisted living wondering when they will have a visitor. Our culture has made it too simple to consign their elderly to a facility who will structure their days with activities leaving their family members free and guilt free to pursue their own agendas.